The Deal With Byrd and O'Neill

Chapter 4

Mason

Even when rolling into the house around 4pm with huge bags below bloodshot eyes, Noel still managed to look smug. Where he'd been after the party, I really, really didn't want to know. Last time I asked him what he'd been up to when he'd stayed away all night, I learned more about his bedroom roleplaying adventures than I ever needed to know (or could brain bleach away).

"How is my smurf baby brother doing?"

There was an annoying smirk on Noel's annoying face as he practically skipped over to me and ruffled my hair. Groaning, I buried my head in the blanket I had wrapped around me, and curled up in fetal position on the couch.

"Smurf? Really? Can't think of anything better to call me?" I muffled-protested, though I suppose 'smurf' for blue hair was still an improvement from 'baboon butt' and 'tampon head' from when my hair was bright red.

Noel ignored my protests. "And how was it with sweet Cody-Wody last night, smurf boy? Did you give him a nice and long practical explanation of the birds and the bees? You're very welcome by the way. How's your ass? Sore?"

Noel gave my ass a hard smack, and I finally threw the blanket on the floor, and shoved the idiot away from me.

"Does it look like I got laid with anyone to you?" I spat, glaring at him.

It was highly unlikely I was sexy to anyone right now.

Noel found me in a very sorry state consisting of: a.) me rolled into a blanket in front of the television, b.) while watching old cartoons, and c.) all alone, feeling bad for myself.

I'd just told my classmates I wasn't coming to the park to hang out. Didn't feel like it. I was waiting for Cody to finally message me back. Come on, his swimming practice had ended an hour ago, why hadn't he messaged me back? The status of the "hey you coming over to talk holidays?" I'd sent him was seen. It said seen. I was obviously getting seenzoned, and it was all Noel's fault.

Normally, I wouldn't think much of it. Could be anything, any reason why he hadn't gotten back to me yet. But after last night I couldn't take it, and it left me a pathetic ball of anxiety curled up on the couch, with only the worst case scenarios running through my head. Cody must have somehow figured out I'd lied about Zoey, and didn't want to talk to me. And that was all Noel's fault too.

Noel had narrowed his eyes as he closely observed me.

"You don't look like you got laid," he finally concluded. "You look like you've spent last night playing video games and losing every match, and reading gay incest smut online, instead of sleeping."

His assessment was closer to the truth than I was willing to admit. In my defence, there was only a little bit of gay smut involved with last night's activities. Without incest. To cheer myself up after he made me royally screw up with my best friend and I lost an online Hearthstone match from a guy who nicknamed himself 'shitzpants.' That's when you really know you've hit rock bottom. Lower than shitting your pants rock bottom.