CHANGE

I.

I woke up early Thursday July 8th. It was already 81°. I sigh. Another hot day. I laugh to myself; I live in Florida- it's going to be hot. I pull on my shorts and a tank and run down the stairs. "Mom!" She drags herself into the kitchen and stares at me with an exasperated look upon her face. Her blond hair is stuck to her forehead.
"What is it Eli?" She picks up the windex. Why is she cleaning so much?
"Why are you cleaning so much?" And with that she "ughs" very loud and exits the family room. Then it hits me.
Family party.
Tonight.
My birthday.
It's my 17th birthday, I thought. How could I have forgotten?? And with that thought my mom walks into the room and apologizes, handing me a small parcel. I smile and open it.
It's a set of keys.
My eyes light up and I look at her. She starts giggling like mad. I run out the front door and am faced with an old fashioned, bright red convertible. It's the one. The one I have visited the shop to months to admire. Saving up every penny I could find. I walk around the car, letting my hand dance on the wheel. I laugh and run to hug my mom, "I love you," I say. She smiles. And I go to sit down in the driver's seat when my mom says, "Honey, not now. We have an appointment in 25 minutes.." My stomach drops. Another appointment?! My brain screams. She gingerly walks back into the cool, air conditioned house. I grab my phone to see a text from my best friend, Mike

Wanna hang? Happy birthday btw

I can't I have ANOTHER doctor's appointment. And thanks man

Sorry bud, I know cancer sucks. I'll see you tomorrow. Nancy's at two?

Nancy's was the coffee shop down the street.

Sounds like a plan

I close my phone and walk into the kitchen
"Ready to go?" My mom asks. I nod and we head out into the heat

~

"Well it looks like the cancer is beginning to dissipate, which is very good,"
My mom beams at me
"How have you felt recently, Eli?" my regular doctor asks.
I shrug. To be honest, I don't know how I'm feeling. "I feel tired," I reply. Which was true, but I also felt angry. Why was my body so weak? Why can't I fight this?
"Well that's normal for osteosarcoma patients Eli." I just frown.

There are so many things that I want to do in life. I want to travel the world, live somewhere else, among other things. I will never amount to anything. I will never accomplish my life goals. I told myself when I first found out I had cancer that I wouldn't let my disease become who I am. That I wouldn't let it define who I am. I didn't want it to define me, but now it does. I am a walking representation of weakness. I am a cancer kid. My doctor said to put the disease AFTER the person, because you are more than your disease. I laughed, "Well that would be lying, wouldn't it?"

My mom once told me, "Life is like a box of chocolates, do you know why?"
I groaned, "Because you never know what you're going to find inside."
She snorted, "That's bullshit. You'll always know what you're gonna find inside. It says so on the label," I laughed "it's because we take the box for granted. We eat, and eat, and eat. Never truly savoring each moment, each chocolate. In the end, we are left with nothing. That is, unless you savor each moment, then you're left with flavors. With memories.

~

I don't know half these people.
Considering its MY party (or so my mom says) I should know these people! I mean I don't have too many friends... But still.

My mom suddenly walks up to me, with someone else, "Honey, this is Emma. She just moved in next door, she likes pizza and soccer." Emma smiles at me and my mom winks.

NOT AGAIIIIIINNNNNNNN.

My mom is trying to set me up.
Again.

Emma sits down next to me. She blushes -why would she blush?- "Hi," she says, her voice coming out a bit nervous.
"Hey," I reply.

"This party is fun," she says politely.
I nod.
She frowns.

"Would you like some food?" She asks, clearly trying to keep the conversation moving along.

"Not particularly. But I'll come with,"
I get up and pain shoots through my foot.

She grabs nearly every item on the table.
Pizza, apples, strawberries, chips, a hot dog, a roll, a brownie, a cookie, etc.

I stare at all the food she is eating and say,
"How can you consume all of that?!"

She laughs, "Well I'm a soccer player. I'm always hungry," she replies through giggles.

The tension between us lifted significantly.

"Hey, do you wanna see my car?"
Her eyes practically shot out of her skull.

We walk out to my car, she gasps with awh at it "I love it!" She squeals. I laugh.

As we sit down in the car, I say to her,
"So what's your story," I sound so confident! I always do, at least around others. If they only knew..
She tells me all about her soccer attributes, her hobbies, her interests.

"I like to read, a lot. I feel antisocial sometimes" she laughs, obviously embarrassed.

I say, almost too loud, "ME TOO!!" My voice echoes throughout the now-dark neighborhood.
I blush like mad.
She laughs, "So what about you? What's your favorite color?"
"Green," I answer immediately.
"Honestly, I'm a bore. There's all these people put there, changing the world. And I'm stuck here, reading book, after book. It's a pattern. Not like any of it will matter one day, when we die. That always seemed funny to me, that people try to be perfect for others. When one day, they will amount to nothing. Just a spirit." I explain.

She only stared.

As I walk he back inside the party she hugs me. "Thank you."

I smile through my confusion.