The Sidemen Project (Miniminter Fanfic)

Day 12

"You were wrong to trust me you sack of shit!" Harry yelled at Squeezy as he doubled crossed him whilst playing GTA. Callux and I sat back at the counter after a morning of cleaning. We had the whole party planned and everything. Text invites had been sent out, food was bought, etc. We still had a few hours before it started so we were just hanging.

"Soo..." Cal said, raising his eyebrows over his water glass. "What's with you and Harry?"

My face flushed, I really hadn't thought about this morning. "Well, we are close." I dodged.

Cal chuckled, "Oh yeah, real close."
I swatted his arm, making him almost drop his glass, "Look, I don't know how I feel. Simon and I didn't really take a break, so now I'm guilty for liking Harry because I still love Simon, but also hate him for getting angry at me and defensive and-" I ran out of breath.

"I get it, I get it." He nodded, "it's complicated."

"It's more than complicated." I looked down at my hands. "I screwed up. My mind thought it was okay to fall for a boy when I'm still dating another."

My heart ached again. I could actually feel it wrenching inside my chest everytime I talked about Simon.

When I looked back on it, our argument had been so little. I mean, yes, Simon had gotten pretty mad, but all it had been was a huge exaggeration.  

"One sec, I'll be right back." I quickly said, sliding off my stool, and turning around so Cal couldn't see my tear-filled eyes. Cal gave a quick, "Ok!" and I jogged down the hall to Harry's room. I stumbled in and shut the door, falling against it. My chest tightened, eyes stinging. I let out a small sob but quickly hushed myself, not wanting any of the boys to know I was freaking out.

How could I be so selfish? I didn't want just one Sideman but two, and I couldn't even see how bad I was.

"Stop! You're overreacting!" I grumbled to myself, pulling my hair back from my forehead in anger. I needed to be stronger than this.

I stood up and walked over to Harry's mirror hanging over his dresser.

Breathe. Breathe. I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror.

Who did I love? Simon or Harry?

I knew that I loved Simon. He was my first real love here in England. He was the reason I had met the Sidmen. He was mysterious and sexy, but most of all, he was Simon. But he hurt me.

No, he didn't. I overreacted over something tiny because I don't know how to handle problems. Stop! Self lecturing isn't going to solve anything. I needed to figure this out.

Then there was Harry. Honestly, I didn't know much about Harry. All I knew was that he loved me before I even liked him. All I knew was from his channel, which wasn't like he posted a lot. But he was kind and calm. He was like a oak tree in a sea of pines. His gentleness just made me want to cuddle up next to him and never leave.

But I didn't know how I felt. Yes, I liked him. A lot a that. But not to the point where it was surefire love.

Ugh. Why can't I just have both? I mean, Simon and I are kinda on a break now but we literally just got together. I looked up from where I had found myself staring at the different woods on his dresser. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy, so I rubbed them frantically.

"Hey Olivia! Is everything okay in there?" Harry called, lightly knocking on the door.

I cleared my throat then spoke, "Yeah, uh yeah, just..getting ready for the party!" I said, looking around for something to change into. The door squeaked a bit as Harry opened it then shut it behind him.