Cotard Curse (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 8

It was frightening how easy it was to stay completely professional and callous with Alec. Nichole hated every second of it. 

She tried to tell him with her eyes how much it pained her. She wanted him to read her mind and see 'Hey! I'm talking like this against my will, I'm still the person you think I am!'

"I thought you were an actual fucking person. Was it a fucking act? Have some courage and fucking speak to me!" He screamed at Nichole, over and over again. Nichole was nervous for a second that Jared would know that she had grown emotional to Alec, until she remembered. He already knew and this was his way to stop it. She was wrapped around his finger. 

"Did you come in to have me think you actually cared before crushing me? Was this Jared's big elaborate plan to make me think I'm still alive? Well guess what Nichole, I am dead and I thought you understood. Now I know you don't. You never did." He said as Nichole walked with him to the cafeteria for dinner. 

What would Jared want to hear? "His name is Dr Benson to you." She replied. What was she even saying?  

Nichole's eyes stung and she shook her head, willing the words to come. All through community therapy she built up the courage to say something real to Alec, not what Jared wanted to hear. It should be easy to defy such a horrible elaborator like Jared, but Nichole knew if she said one word off the script, she would be fired. Jared would have a recording of her disobeying the rules and it would be all the proof he would needed.

Nichole didn't want to give him the satisfaction of firing her, but breaking Alec was not worth it. 

As they reached the cafeteria, Alec wouldn't look at Nichole as he made his way to his table. Nichole didn't follow him and instead, grabbed a pen and paper from the meds room next door. Jared wouldn't hear what she wrote with a pen. 

I'm wired right now. I do understand, but I can't say anything that Jared would fire me for, which is basically our whole communication. I'm sorry, Alec

She wrote quickly and ran to his table, shoving the note under his nose. It was like he didn't even notice. He was playing dead and Nichole knew it was out of spite.

"Please," was all Nichole could say. Alec didn't look at her, but took the note and simply scrunched it into a ball and threw it at her face. Ouch.

"What, you can't even communicate with me through words anymore? Pathetic, even for a social worker." His tone was demeaning as he put his head on the table. Nichole was deflated. 

"You're not eating, Number Nine?" A nurse asked as she came up. Alec said nothing and the Nurse looked to Nichole pointedly. Nichole shrugged her shoulders helplessly. 

"Well, sorry kid. You're not immortal so you've gotta eat," The nurse said as two other nurses walked up behind her. 

Nichole stood up. She wasn't watching and wasn't going to stick around to hear it either. She was halfway out of the cafeteria when she heard his wails and coughs and her throat closed. He was her responsibility and she messed up, all for her own good. She really was pathetic. 

She closed her eyes and sighed as she lent against the wall outside the cafeteria. She wanted to go home. She imagined getting straight into her car and ringing Michelle, telling her everything. Michelle would tell her what was the best thing to do and it would be perfect. 

Then Nichole remembered. Michelle wouldn't understand how much she cared for Alec. She would tell her to stop being emotional and do as Jared said. Michelle was usually right when Nichole was being overemotional, but not this time. Nichole was on her own.