2017

Nuance

I would rather not say that our friendship was completely invalid. But now I think it may have been.

It was only one day before we would relocate. I was watching Titanic with the family we were living with. I loved being able to watch movies with them, it made me feel normal for a little bit. We got to a point just a few minutes before the ship crashed into the iceberg  when there was a knock on the door. My father waited until I left into another room and locked the door behind me until he let the knocker inside.

I heard Nick's muffled voice ask for me.

I hesitantly stepped back into the room before my father could shoo him away. I trusted him. Stupid, I know you can stop telling me ok? I suppose I just wanted to believe that I was still his friend and not a trading card.

Once Nick saw me he seemed to brighten, the world's weight lifted from him when he saw me alive an well, but then darken almost just as quickly. He seemed sad and his tall, towering figure seemed small, crushed with worries and stress. He knew this would be the last time I would be ok.

"Sara," he whispered, hoarsely then paused, not knowing what to say next. Suddenly, two government agents tore into the house and quickly pinned me to the ground. I heard the family and my father trying to shove them away and beat them off but more agents held him and the rest of the family back. They cuffed my hands, gagged me, and started pulling me to an unmarked truck outside. As I was pulled over the threshold of the house I heard the family yelling for me as they were arrested as well. The Titanic crashed and passenger's screams provided ambiance from the tv.

I looked back one more time. My father being cuffed looked so broken and helpless, and the family being thrown about for hiding a stupid brown girl. It broke my heart. This country was supposed to be great. Is this great?!

I turned to Nick. He stood, waiting, on the porch. His forehead is creased. His shoulders sag with invisible weight. He looks defeated, desperate, and terrified. I cried to him asking for an explanation. Tears streaming down his face he whispered, heart break reading in his voice like gravel, "They have my brother."

"They have me." I scream, but it doesn't sound past my gag. I'm almost angry with Nick, as though this were his fault. But I knew this would happen. I chose to ignore it and I suffered the consequence. No this was not his fault. If anything I deserved this. The more I lived in this contagious world the more I believed I was inferior and undeserving of any good thing or any love at all.

I felt hopeless. They shoved me into the back of the truck. The only light came from a small, barred window on the back door of the truck. I peeked out just in time to see Nick reunited with his brother. They embraced, so happy to see each other. The trade was complete and I was the less valued card. Tears stung my face. Crying always made me feel weak...especially now.

The truck jumped forward and my body against the back of the truck. I could feel myself being thrown around a bit more as the truck swerved away before I passed out.