- fanfic rants -

- grammar (part 2) -

For this part, we shall be going over capitalization and speech rules. Please remember these rules and *USE* these rules, otherwise I will have wasted hours of my life writing this to no avail.

Oh, capitalization... This is a big - no, huge - issue I've seen. Out of all the works I've read on here, only a small handful can do it correctly. That is saying something. There are people on this site (on other sites as well, actually) who fail at this, and me, a 13 year-old, can do this better. I honestly do not see what is so hard about this. You only need to capitalize a few things.

Titles - The President of the United States, book titles. (something I don't follow all the time, but that is more of a stylistic choice? Either way, you're never to do this with a novel waiting to be published or simple an essay.)

The first letter of each sentence.

Names. (Yes, names of places, i.e; Long Island, NY, are *NAMES*)

Words you want to EMPHASIZE will be written in ALL CAPS. If you want to EMPHASIZE a word, you have to make it large in SIZE. (Yes, I am breaking out the dumb mnemonic devices.) Do not emphasize a word like This. IF YOU EMPHASIZE A WORD LIKE THAT I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE DEAR JESUS LORDY THAT IS MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE.

Then there are the things you DO NOT capitalize. I will merely point out the most common mistakes I see when people capitalize the wrong words.

You DO NOT capitalize:

Adjectives, unless they start a sentence. (Yes, that means you DO NOT CAPITALIZE "yellow" BECAUSE THAT ISN'T THE NAME OF A PLACE, ISN'T THE NAME OF A PERSON, AND SURE AS HELL ISN'T A TITLE.)

Nouns that can be capitalized - if they're a title. (Capitalizing "Mr. President" or "The President of the United States" is okay, but capitalizing "president" in the sentence "Name the qualifications to become the president of the United States" is not correct.)

Then sometimes I see people capitalizing random words? I don't even know how that's supposed to work? Like I'll just be sitting there beta-ing a chapter on FFN and then I see just randomly capitalized words?

TO PREVENT THIS, I SHALL INSTRUCT YOU NOOKSNIFFERS ON HOW TO WRITE A SENTENCE:

You are all dumb assholes.

That is our sentence.

"You" is the starting word, the "y" in "you" is capitalized.

Now, let's go over the rest of the sentence. Do you see any titles, names, or emphasized words? No? Good.

However, if the sentence was:

You are the Ruler of Assholia.

"You" is capitalized, like before. However, as "Ruler of Assholia" (which is my title, please don't steal c:) is a TITLE, you will capitalize "Ruler" and "Assholia."

"baty pongbal," I can hear you say in a dumb and garbled tone, "y sint of cpatohtlized?"

"Well, clueless reader," I reply, "There are simply some words you do not capitalize when they are not in the front of the sentence or title." I then proceed to stretch my hands before continuing, "These words are deemed useless or unimportant, and never get their deserved capitalization, as the government is corrupt and this signifies an outbreak of unjust treatment. Some words live below the poverty line. Think of these words as the part-time workers at a McDonald's."

"bat wuat r de wursd?" you ask, clearly (not) interested.

After using some of the salt from this rant to get @basicleaf some more popcorn, I sit down and heave a heavy sigh. The sigh is very heavy. It is so heavy, the table snaps in half.

"These words are the dumb, unimportant ones."

As a matter of fact, these words are (From grammar.yourdictionary.com, as I'm too lazy to list them):

Articles: a, an, the

Coordinating Conjunctions: and, but, or, for, nor, etc.

Prepositions (Less than five letters): on, at, to, from, by, etc.

Now you're beginning to understand, RIGHT?

I take this moment to stare at my screen with a look of utmost danger. I do hope you understand my fury. Simply too much is too much. I had to take matters into my own hands.

Well, onto speech rules~! If you need more salt for your popcorn, there's some right IN THIS ENTIRE PART JESUS H CHRIST I REQUIRE MOIRAIL ASSISTANCE--

Yes, speech rules. They are very simple. I do not understand how people break these.

1.) If the dialogue ends with a period, (.) AND THIS IS AFTER THEY ARE ALL DONE SPEAKING FOR THAT PART, UNLESS YOU ADD SOMETHING AT THE END, change it into a comma if you are going to put a "she said/he muttered/they whined/etc."  at the end.

Ex 1.) "I am completely and utterly done with your bullshit," the author groans.

Remember that point I made last "chapter?"

Make sure to link your dialogue to rest of the sentence with a comma as well, unless there is no more sentence. ("Yeah, I'm just gonna... Go, and... Use the sink... Have fun," he mumbled. You can also form a new paragraph and just have the dialogue, not linking it to a sentence, like so:

"Yeah, I'm just gonna... Go, and... Use the sink... Have fun."

If you are doing that, make sure the reader knows who's speaking.)

Mhm, that point. We're going to discuss the rest of that later, but please remember the underlined portion.

2.) If the dialogue ends with any other sentence-ending punctuation (which I hope you remember from the last part c:) don't link it with a comma.

Ex 2.) "Why, I don't even understand why I have to explain all of this!" she mutters, the corners of her lips twitching irritably.

3.) If it's the same person talking, you do not need to start a new paragraph when they speak. Adding an "they added," or something like that to it is ideal.

Ex 3.) "I mean, it's 1:11 in the morning..." Taking a pause to massage her temples, she adds, "It's not like anyone's going to read this."

4.) If the speaker is rambling, and need to make a new paragraph, don't end it with a " before making the next paragraph. Leave it there and start the next paragraph with another ".

Ex 4.) "Honestly, this is bullshit! Pure and utter bullshit. As a free woman whose great grandparents or some shit fought for  rights, I do not have to subject (...)"

"And THAT IS WHY I ATE MACARONI AT FIVE IN THE MORNING, YOU SHITS!"

(im sorry im really tired and cant think of a good rant but you guys learned something here right? ;w;)