Lost love

Prologue

The coldness surge through my naked body as I lay down on the cold porcelain bathtub, staring at the white plain ceiling, wondering what happened to my life. Everything was going until all was lost. My life was monotonous – everyday was the same... First I ate breakfast, which consisted of a granola bar, really. Then I went to school, ate lunch and went home where I did my homework. Afterwards I ate dinner with my lovely family and did more homework. But I always craved something more. Everyone around me was doing their own thing – partying it up, hanging out with friends and experiencing new relationships. That must be nice. I have never been in a relationship – I'm not even sure I could communicate with boys on that level. Sure, I've talked to guys if absolutely needed to but I'd never take it any further unless the other part made a move – which did not happen. It made me think, was something wrong with me? I knew I was a decent-looking girl with my red and orange ombre hair cascading down my lower back. Though it's flat and often is in a bun I wouldn't consider it hideous. I don't know what made me stick to this odd hair color particularly but I liked the contrast between my hair color and dark brown eyes – I felt like they complimented each other in a fortuitous way. I had a pretty good sense of humor but I knew my shyness stood in the way of all of that. I would always think of scenarios where I'd I flirt with a guy, he would flirt back and maybe later he would ask me out on a date and it would end with a kiss. Obviously, that was not the case – I would avoid the situation completely so I wouldn't have to go through an awkward date where I have to dig out the words out of my mouth. I shudder at the thought. If I knew what I craved so greatly would bring such a trauma, anguish and pain I would take it all back in a heartbeat. But I didn't know. I had to go through it. I had to endure all of it, had to learn and move forward. Recalling the events that happened all at once in a short amount of time wetted my face with freshly pouring tears. When happiness comes your way, comes pain as well, sometimes more pain than your heart can bear but you can't have one without the other. Wiping my tears I felt bizarre sitting in a bathtub with no water, besides my never-ending tears. My thoughts were all over the place yet I felt so empty inside. And that makes it so much worse.