Ever Enough

CHAPTER 1

I have always excelled in school. Class valedictorian on elementary, was even active with all programs and school activities. Gumraduate akong palaging first honor nung elementary. Then came highschool. I dont know. Nawalan ako ng gana. Ang liliit ng mga grades ko, well mataas naman yung iba pero sa Math talaga ako sumasabit. I didnt know what to do. Sobrang hina ko naman talaga kasi sa Math. Simula nung elementary mahina na talaga ako sa math, and I hate to say this pero hindi naman dapat talaga ako yung class valedictorian. Nagkataon lang na palaging absent yung pinaka magaling sa klase namin dahil nagtatrabaho sya, mejo matanda na sya kesa samin pero keri lang naman, hindi naman kami private school. Still, it bugged me, a class valedictorian is the person or pupil na da best sa class, hindi yung may pinakamalaking average. But that system was before. Pero hindi ko pa rin talaga malimutan yung time na pinatawag kaming mga honors para sabihin na yung ranking.

"Ara, Rain, Sara, Risa, Ricky, Hope, Danny, John" sa hindi malamang kadahilanan pinatawag kami ng class adviser namin, hindi ko alam kung bakit pero kinabahan ako. Sumunod nalang kami sa kanya ng walang imik, baka kasi may nagawa kami at kakausapin lang kami.

"So pinatawag ko kayong lahat dito para sabihin sa inyo na ngayong graduation hindi lang diploma ang matatanggap nyo. Pati medal rin." I was happy. But then I was nervous too. mas kinakabahan pa nga ako eh mas nangingibaw yung kaba ko.

"Yes all of you here are honor students." Alam nyo kung bakit ako kinakabahan? It's because I dont know what my place would be. Valedictorian kaya ako? Kung hindi kasi ako magiging valedictorian sobrang kahihiyan nun. I was the first honor since Grade 1 and now I will fall? I had doubts, yes, thats because I didnt do my best. Ive taken some of the subjects for granted.

"AH yes, the class valedictorian is Ara." And I was happy. I was happy I wouldnt bring our family into shame. But then "The class valedictorian would be Ricky sana, kung hindi sya absent ng absent sya sana ang class valedictorian. Sayang ka, Ricky" And just like that my happiness went from 100 to 0. I didnt know she would say that. She coulve said it to him privately, nandito yung class valedictorian. How would she feel if I said that infront of her? I.. I.. I dont know. I didnt know how to react so I just smiled. "Congrats!" Sabi ng mga friends ko. I smiled and said thank you. I was not happy. What I felt was... relief. Relief na hindi ko na kailangang marinig yung sasabihin ng ibang tao saken kung sakaling hindi ako naging class valedictorian.

Everytime I remember that, automatic na bumabasa yung mata ko. Kagaya ngayon. Nasasaktan at nahihiya pa rin ako. I never said that to my family. I didnt want them to think na hindi naman ako ganun katalino, kagaling. But then maybe I shouldve just said that. Para hindi sila magexpect. Magexpect na I'll stand out parin sa highschool. I felt pressured. They kept telling me to do well. To have high grades. That I am in a laboratory highschool so I should do well. Para na din daw kasi akong nasa science highschool. When in fact I just got in because my uncle was one of the board members. I didnt like it. But I went there anyway. What if I do well din diba? Baka sakali lang naman. But all those na ginagawa ko nung elementary ako? Lahat yun naglaho. Nawalan ako ng interes. I even failed Math. Algebra. Kung iisipin ang basic nun eh. Bumawi naman ako nung finals na. 75. Atleast pasado. Hindi ko alam kung bat nawala lahat, I mean it just happened. And bago ko napagtanto yun. It was too late. Sobrang lubog ko na. And then I met this guy. I won't ever forget how I met him.

Nasa likod ako ng school namin noon, hindi ko na kasi alam ang gagawin ko. Para na kong mababaliw. 2nd year nako noon and I failed again. And this time, Trigonometry. How dumb could I get.