I wandered down the stairs the next morning, my head pounding from the rapid rush of thoughts buzzing around in my mind.
"Morning Darling," My fathers cheery voice greeted me, I managed a small smile and climbed up on the unique bar stools seated at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. The old English saddles used as bar stools only added to the old wood styled home, the open ceiling concept and tan walls with the off white cupboards made the room look larger then usual. I stared down at my hands as my dad hummed a familiar tune while cooking breakfast as he usually did on Sunday mornings.
"Remember that song Tay?" Dad asked quietly, I nodded slowly, recalling the song mum used to sing to the horses to calm them down. He continued to hum the song glancing out the window a few times to the front pature where Forrest and Rein usually grazed.
"Are you going to go out today?" My dad questioned, this time turning his full attention to me and dumping scrambled eggs on the plate in front of me. I climbed off the saddle swiftly and reached for the fridge but was cut off by our 2 Cane Corso's barreling me over. I'd forgotten how much i'd shut everyone and everything out these past few days.. I stood up and pat both of them before turning back to the fridge and grabbing the juice.
"Is that silence a yes?" Dad pushed, hinting the plead in his voice,
"I dunno," I mumbled,
"You haven't been out there since your mother died, your not the only one who's hurting! Taylor that horse needs you, you've shut him out and you know that he reponds to nobody but the two of you! Dammit Taylor we all are hurting but that doesn't mean I am going to hide in my room and not take my responsibilities seriously! It's been days you've had plenty time, now your going back out there even if its just for a few minutes!" He yelled across the table,
I fumbled quietly with my food before sliding of my chair and marching to the back door, I turned back on my heel and cleared my throat,
"You'll never understand!" I screamed back, before running out the door, completely forgetting my shoes and jacket. The bitter air nipped aimlessly at my toes and bare arms but I kept running. I reached the barn without even noticing i'd run in this direction, one step at a time I placed a foot onto the cold cement floor of the large barn. I ran my hands over the wooded stalls and skimmed the doors for one name in particular, slowly one head at a time came over the top part of their stalls, peeking out to see who had entered. Every horse had their heads peering out at me except one. I picked up my pace nearly sprinting to the stall that looked empty, Sticking my head over the clearing I saw him. Sunshine stood with his head in the corner of the stall, his body pressed against the wall. His eyes looked dark, his head lowered and his body sagging immensely, His rips were now visible but not by much.
I cranked my head around to look to see if anyone else was present but there was no one, I stepped into the tack room off to the side of his stall and grabbed his brushes in my hand. Turning them over I slid my fingers over the carvings on the handles of each of his grooming items. '"Mary and Sunshine" had been engraved by my mother when she was a little girl. I turned them back over and headed back for his stall.
"Sunshine," I called out, he didn't move.
"Sunshine," I tried again, he still remained in the back of his stall. I reached for his halter hanging loosely on his hanger on the stall. A jacket had been thrown on top of it, I took it off the hook and opened his stall door grabbing his halter along the way. Pulling the door closed behind me and reaching over to lock it I felt him behind me.
"Hia boy," I smiled sadly feeling the tears brim my eyes once more, I sat down in his stall and hugged my knee's to my chest and cried. I pulled the jacket closer to me and smelled it,
"Mum." I whispered, Sunshine lifted his head and came over to me, I lifted the jacket to his nose and watched his nostrils flare, He reared up and whinnied as loud as he could.
"It's not my fault!" I yelled at him,
"I didn't mean for this to happen!" I screamed again, He moved closer to me and rubbed his head on my arm like he understood exactly.
"It's not my fault," I whispered to him again, he nodded his head making me laugh slightly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his mane, he just stood there and let me cry. I took his halter and slid it over his head and reached for the door to his stall, I clipped a lead rope on him and led him out of his stall. With her flannel plaid jacket in one hand, I gripped his mane and hopped onto his back, throwing the lead rope over his neck considering he knew how to rein. I put her jacket on and patted the palomino beneath me.
"That's my boy Sunshine," I smiled sweetly, he let out a long breath as we walked out of the barn and down towards the cemetery,
"It'll be ok now," I told him, mainly trying to reassure myself. I felt the tears falling once more and leaned forward on to my moms horses neck. I wrapped my arms around him and cried as he walked us. I didn't even care where he took me at this point, I forgot about my own horse back at the barn, I forgot my dad and Josh and how worried they would be. I forgot about everything, at that point it was only me and Sunshine in the world.
