A Battle Within Myself

Have you ever sat up at night,

And just let your barrier down?

Brick by brick.

I've sat in silence and cried..

Plenty of times.

I've let it defeat me,

Made me think I'm worthless,

I let the burden of my thoughts get to me.

Like safety pins and razors..

I regret it,

Now I've got the scars..

They remind me..

Of how the scarlet red trickled down my skin.

I regret the pleasure it gave me,

How I felt I needed it to happen.

I regret that I let my family and friends..

Down. Discover. Drown in pain.

All because..

I let the anxiety and wretchedness reach me.

I let it control me..

The pain, The pleasure.

It gave me peace.

Makes me cringe.

The thoughts I think.

Overtake me sometimes,

Sometimes..

I like to go back.

To the feelings,

To The way it was cold against my skin.

Sometimes..

I think I'm good enough to stop.

But something reminds me.

I'm not..

Just sometimes..

I'd like to end it all..

Only sometimes.