As the day comes to an end the sky darkens, the streets are bare and I'm full of thoughts that are eating me up leaving me overwhelmed. Changing into my stripped cyan and white flannel pyjamas I jump into bed with blood shot red eyes and a headache. I try not to become submissive to all that has been going on in my life but I ended up bursting into a volcano of emotions but my therapist always tells me "grace, we are all slaves to our emotions."
Its moments like these I miss my dad who I lost 7 months ago to a head on collision car accident with a truck on his way from the hyper market to by a few goodies for our picnic brunch at the park. He was the only one in my life who seemed to show me what love is since my mom left us for another man at another city. I had been staying in hope she would step into my life again but I guess I was just fooling myself and in denial that she wouldn't come back for me. As years passed I realised that maybe she is enjoying her new life without me and made peace with that.
Now that my dad is no more I'm with Aunt Regina who is most of the time isn't at home most of her time she at work during the day and most nights at her boyfriend's house or at a party. If she is ever home she had a fight with him which she then drinks her lungs away making a noise the whole night. When she starts acting up I lock myself in my room in the dark laying on my bed listening to my music but mostly enjoy Yuna's song which are able to bring nostalgic moments of my dad.
Morning came with Tuesday meaning another day of school which always feels like a drag making this worse is that it's my birthday I'm 16 which I know no remembers. Sad part of it all is that dad isn't around to celebrate it with. I take a few minutes of my morning before heading out to go on my knees pressing them against the floor, closing my eyes praying a prayer my dad taught me "Good morning God i hope today to please you in some special it won't be much but I promise to be good in all I say and do Amen".
From that day on I have been able to wear a smile. What I noticed about dad growing up he was not bothered by life's woes with that attitude I've been able to manage my life and cared less of all that's been going on but more importantly I've grown to be able to forgive my past.
