So I Went Shopping Today: True Story

So I went on a date with this guy

*I'm not going to name him because he's honestly not worth it. I thought I'd post this since it kind of shows a little bit about whats being going on since I've been in my first year at university. Also not going to name my university cause it takes away from the story haha but you can message me if you want to know. Anyway enjoy and laugh and also be sad for me because I make stupid decisions and this can be shown in the following story... ALL 100% TRUE*

So I went on a date with this guy. We're both first years in university (freshmen in college (i think) if you're American or wherever else they use this system).

This guy is a medic. So that means if I eat too quickly, choke and start to go blue, he'll know what to do right? That's not actually where this story is going to be honest, but it's kind of what attracted me to him – the prospect of life-saving boyfriend and all that.

We went to Nando's. We had an interesting time trying to pick out something to eat because I'm the most indecisive person in existence and so every time I thought I'd solidified my order and was "sure sure", it turned out I really wasn't sure and so had to start the whole process all over again.

We had the most inappropriate dinner conversation ever. The words, "body count", "anal" and "dissection" are big no-nos for first date conversation but apparently we missed that part in the dating manual. So we kind of just charged through the date being crude and just having a bit of banter. Except for this was a really funny date and I went all goo-goo gaga over this guy. Not really that much of a problem when I thought he was feeling me too! But wait for it...

This guy has got a reputation. Not like typical bad-boy reputation but he was apparently a "shag anything that moves" kind of guy. That meant we were automatically mismatched since I'm a virgin and not even experienced in the slightest (literally have only ever kissed).

So he ends the night with "I really want to make this work. Will you give me a chance?" Sweet, but also lies. Because in my very limited, but also very detailed experience, boys lie.

So I said "Okay, I'll give you a trial."

So we get to the club the week into the "trial" period. He had been asking me to go to this one club in particular since we met and I had obviously told him the music was shit so I didn't want to go. But I thought I'd make a sacrifice this time just to see him on a night out and see how he gets down. Plus, who knew where the night might take us (wink!)

Except when I got there he literally looked through me. I might as well have been air. Literally I may as well have been a flipping chameleon just blending in with the background. In fact, I'm sure at one point he tried to walk through me as if I didn't exist! He just wanted to hang around with his boys. I was like okay; this is clearly just a lad's lad. I couldn't exactly turn into a fire-breathing dragon on the dance floor. It's customary to wait a while before you unleash your full crazy onto a guy, I'm sure.

When he finally decided to acknowledge my existence he went to the bathroom and told me to wait outside. I'm waiting and waiting... Then he comes out, walks past me and goes off with his mate AGAIN.

At this point, I'm like right this isn't on.

I was like "What the fuck man? What's going on?" At which point, brace yourselves, his mate slammed him against the wall, grabbed his neck...

And kissed him!

And then HE KISSED HIS MATE RIGHT BACK!

I'm telling you the passion in this kiss; it was like something out of Desperate Housewives. I was so confused; I went to another dimension of confusion. If you've ever seen the Mr Krabs meme, that was me. The room began to spin from a combination of too much alcohol and also sheer bewilderment. So this kiss was still going on and I just calmly left the club and walked (to be honest, more like stumbled) home. Okay, maybe not calmly, maybe more yelling and dramatic and also I called my friend and yelled to her a little bit. Okay, in fact, calmly is exactly the wrong word. It was a messy walk home – let's say that.

He messaged me in the morning with something like "so..." I deleted it straight away without reading it because 1) I was in lecture and 2) what the fuck does "so..." mean?! You just kissed your mate! What about the trial period? What about making this work? What? Are you bi? Do you like me or your friend??? "So..." doesn't answer any of these questions!

Anyway, it took him three days to explain himself. He said he had to pretend to be gay in order to get into a secret drinking society. Whatever. Medics are the worst. Don't go out with a guy just because he knows first aid, that's not a good reason at all.