By Design (BWWM) [Complete]

Chapter 12: A Knotted Heart

Silence filled the room as Taiwo's eyes tried adjusting to her surroundings. A monitor rested beside her bed and while struggling to sit up, she noticed and IV taped to the surface of her hand. The spot was a little sore but the headache, nausea and abdominal pain had ceased. An exhausted breath escaped her lips as she scanned the room. The door opened and in sauntered a woman wearing a white coat. She watched the woman skim over her vitals then down at her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Any abdominal discomfort?"

"No. How did I get here?"

"Ambulance brought you."

"I remember being in pain, but it wasn't anything life threatening, right?"

"First off, you were very dehydrated hence the IV. You haven't been taking care of yourself. Now, prior to this visit, when was the last time you've had a thorough check-up?"

"I'm not fond of hospitals so I don't go if I don't have to."

"I see. Along with dehydration, you did have an...issue."

"What was it?"

"I really don't know how to tell you this in a sensitive way...okay... have you noticed any changes in your body lately? Appetite? Weight gain?"

"No."

"Okay. What about your last menstrual cycle?"

"I'm not sure. I don't document it. Why?"

"Perhaps it would be best if your husband was here to join in on this conversation."

"I'm not married. Just tell me what the complication was. It's my body, I can handle it." The doctor moved closer and held Taiwo's hand, patting it, serving her a painfully pitiful expression. She momentarily adverted her eyes and settled them back on her patient.

"I'm sorry to inform you, but you've suffered a miscarriage. I know this will be a difficult time for you, but there are excellent support groups-"

"Wait a second," Taiwo cut in, "I wasn't pregnant. You must have mistaken me for another patient."

"I'm sorry but you were. I can understand why you didn't know, you definitely weren't showing."

"I don't understand."

"It's going to take some time to process this information, but I promise you, everything will be alright. We also wrapped your feet in gauze, you've cuts over the soles of your feet." Whatever the doctor said next, the words fell on deaf ears. Taiwo began trembling and hyperventilating, gripping her sheets tightly. Inaudible words sputtered across her lips. She clenched her chest and slumped deeper into the bed and sobbed. In an instant, bouts of anger, rage and disbelief pushed her onto her feet on a path toward destruction.
The only thing in reach was a small nightstand that she trashed, scattering the drawers and its contents all over the floor. In her insanity, Taiwo hadn't noticed she'd ripped out her IV as drops of blood dotted the cold sterilized floor. She'd turned into a mad woman, screaming and yelling, storming around the room cursing God and her existence until she was a spent delusional lump, balled into the corner of her room.

With the help of additional nurses, the doctor scooped Taiwo up from the floor and placed her back in bed. There she stayed in a deep sleep for two weeks while her vitals were monitored. When Taiwo finally came to, the sun was no longer shining and the evening sky was beginning it's descent into darkness. She hadn't felt so worn out in her entire life and she was still exhausted. Bumping her arm against a cold railing sent a shiver through her body and made her toes dance. The cuts on her soles felt tight as she flexed her toes and rolled her feet around.