Sunday means holiday. A literal holy day for Nanon and the opposite, a monster day for me. There was loud laughter i heard when i told him i had task to do "leave those for awhile. Just c'mere with me." He said. But a deep sigh escaped from my unconcious state because the stress has been growing since he started to call me and i told him this is the edgy choices why'd he ask me to choose.
"It's okay i'm going alone."
And his voice on the other side was getting smaller. Don't know it was because my vision getting blurred because too much starring at the laptop that caused my brain didn't function properly or because the lack of internet signal that made the skype went all crashed and the voice came out only as ear-sick noises. I was on the urge to close this skyping with him because so much pain brought up from this laptop; i couldn't go meet my boyfie and couldn't do the task properly because the lack of my vision but his sudden voice made me jumped and the concious state air was wrapped around my figure. Did his voice suddenly became such kind of my private holy water or what?.
"Hey. Ya there? I'm on my way to the bridge."
He smiled on the screen and i felt the lightheaded me now growing to the concious state more and more. I hate his dimples, and his deep chuckles and even his voice. I hate those things he- unknowingly realise made myself lost in my mind, only thinking about him. He asked me to stayed up to listen and starring him while he was on the way to the bridge, to the place he prepared to go with me. I felt sad, and felt myself just some kind of a trash i bet he'd willingly burn to make me non-exist. The guilty is even more getting clear when he showed me- he put his handphone on the car-desk to let me know he was driving alone. He once told me dislike being alone. Even if there is only Nonnie, he'd be very happy because alone is suck and no fun, compare when he can be with bunch of friends and do a lot of things and it's greatly cool and happiness is totally would be there.
He liked humming and mumbling to particular song. I knew it because he did it a lot but now he only gritted his teeth and sometimes bit his lip after he told me the traffic was really suck. I wanna stabbed myself right on this time.
I told him i was sorry. I was so sorry i couldn't go with him.
I was sorry for being so useless creature of this world. I also told him that i'd treat him for ice cream once he come back from bridge and swore to him i'd finish this task before he headed to my house.
And i couldn't be more relief than anything when i heard him say, "it's okay. Just rest for now and forget the task. I'll come straight to your house when i'm finish with this lil trip and- WOAH so BEAUTIFUL babe i'm here yeay i made it."
And he started to act like a child. And it earned chuckles from me and i didn't recognize the smile on my face until he said.
"You smile! I'm happy. Look this bridge is beautiful and you smile, for me. I'm so grateful." He said with cuteness that made my stomach curled up.
After a moment or two he enjoyed his little trip, and i got myself an hour of sleeping, he called me. Said that i should check the Line and look at the photos he sent.
There was a moment of silent of grateful being with tears beginning to fall to the cheeks and smiley face ear to ear when saw the photos of cute little boy with hat on on the bridge with dimples showing and tongue playing. I'm ready to burst myself to the seventh sky and tell him i undoubtedly love him so much i felt the various kind of flowers started growing inside of my lungs and i felt so much full, full of happiness.
He added the message right under the photos, said,
"Be happy, okay? I love you."
