SAVING GRACE

Chapter V - Hung up on you

JAY

The echoes of my feet tapping while I walk filled the empty street I was at late at night with my jacket on covering my face with my hoodie making my figure as dark and as scary as I want it to be. I puffed a breath forming a smoke coming out of my mouth while I shivered from the cold making my arms stick to my body as tight as possible.

The side of my body ache and the metallic taste coming from my bleeding mouth is still there. I winced as my ribs hurt and my face feel sore. I should've taken some pain killers while I was still at the hospital. All I need to do now is to get back at the hotel and try to get some hot shower and ask Q to fix me.

My mobile phone vibrated in my pocket and I picked it up and put the phone on my ear.

"Jay! What the hell happened!?"

"I was just away for a few minutes and when I came back you were gone!" I couldn't help but wince at how my manager's voice was hurting my ear.

"Hey master, can you tone down your voice for a little bit? You're hurting my ears"

"Of all the things you could say, that's what you ask? Where are you anyway? The media is sizzling hot right now because of you! Who the hell in the right mind, a celebrity, to point it out, would get in a brawl, huh?"

"I don't even care. It's the media's fault why I got out of the hospital instead of getting treated. I'll go back to the hotel later. Don't worry. I'll make it for the show."

"Hey Jay don't hang up on -" thinking of not wanting to deal with my manager's nagging, I decided to hang up on him and let him be. Fuck the media.

As I was walking, I noticed an empty field near a river. I could see the reflection of the moon on the water and it felt calming. I took a stroll and sat on the grassy field deciding to just lie down because it was eerily comfortable.

The quietness of my surroundings let my thoughts surge in my head. How I got here. How I couldn't stop the anger coming out and it got the best of me and made me go to fistfights in underground markets. How I did not want to be a celebrity anymore. How I just want to go in the middle of the river and let me sink myself to its bottomless labyrinth and just be forgotten forever. I don't know why but every night, whenever I'm alone and everyone's asleep, I usually get deep thoughts and that sometimes I myself, feel disdained on what kind of unimaginable things I'm thinking. And sometimes, just to get my evil thoughts out of my head, I usually just write lyrics, or music video ideas or choreography and stuff. Feeling numb all the time and trying to smile everytime I go out just to satisfy every people's demands and expectations. I'm just too tired of it but for the sake of money, I'll do it.

As I was staring at the sky there were many stars scattered. I could even connect all the astronomical stars and name them. As I was using my hands, I remembered my encounter with this girl at the hospital awhile ago.

My manager saw me crouching behind one of the dumpsters near the port in orange street after one of my underground fist fights. From time to time, I usually go to places like those just to take some breather from everything that's been happening in my life. I'm also good at fighting that's why.

"For fuck's sake Jay. What are we gonna do with your face?"

"Make up." I was able to breathe a small voice. My manager clicked his tongue and shook his head out of disappointment. He took my hand and put it over his shoulder as I winced from the pain on my sides while he was supporting my weight going to the hospital.