The Flower Crown Princess

Part 19

I feel a heavy weight in the pit of my stomach as I go back to my room. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Do I endanger the fragile structure of government we have by revealing Maridi? Can I bring myself to have people killed?

What will happen to me, if it's found out that I've been associating with known traitors, people who plan to bring down the government? My thoughts run on an endless loop, repeating over and over in my head. I listen to a hundred variations of just a few questions as I absentmindedly run my hands over the window seat's blue fabric.

I can see a few black dots on the other side of the bubbled glass, hitting their heads against the panes in a fruitless attempt to get through. The lights are dimmer from outside now, the blurred spheres of window lights flickering into life. They are in anything but neat rows, the lights in the windows, as the buildings wind down the streets. It is only dark enough that the light is needed- shadows creeping longer and longer on the cobblestone.

I disregard Jennis' warning and unlatch the rusty window frame. It squeaks as I open it a crack at a time. It is very clear that this window has not been opened in a long, long time.

The lake is still blue, but tinged with the start of a red sunset and shimmering gold in the ripples. I can see land, very far away- a hundred miles to the stark grey peaks and only slightly less to the hills in front of it. Somewhere in the direction I gaze- somewhere west of me- is the city, or region, I suppose, that Faelan was raised in.

Will I be as happy with Asdagh as Faelan seems to be with the Duke?

Will marrying the prince of the lakes put me in danger?

A fly lands on my nose, the thin legs an uncomfortable sensation. I brush it away.

I should most definitely not only think about myself. This is a big problem that won't only encompass me.

A knock sounds on the door. I hop up from my seat and open it. 

Jennis and Lisbet stand in the doorway, both with graver looks on their faces than should be on anyone's.

"Can we come in?" Lisbet's voice is quieter than usual, more controlled.

I open the door wider, and both of them step in. I close the door behind them. "Has someone died?" I ask, not sure why they are so solemn.

"What is going on?" cries Lisbet. "I know we're not supposed to be here. We weren't invited! Everyone is looking at us strangely, and I don't like the way some of these servants seem to be watching over us. And you have these constant meetings with the king- we're kept in the dark, we don't know anything at all." Her voice drops from an almost hysterical cry to a pleading whisper, her big grey eyes confused and begging. "Please, Nivh, just tell us. The both of us are so tired of not knowing."

My mouth opens and closes like a guppy's. "You're right, Lisbet," I whisper after a moment. "There's something going on. A network of traitors who forged a letter to get us here and now I suppose they're waiting for the right moment."

"Is that all you know?" Jennis speaks up. "This isn't just your country, Nivh, it's mine too, and if it's in danger I want to help."

"That's all I know."

I hope I can make myself believe the lie I've told. I know more, so much more, but how do I say that my sister- in- law is plotting against me, that one of my staff- someone in a very good position to attack indeed- can and probably will lay siege to me one day. To us. But, of course, I can't say that to poor Lisbet, who's going to fall over if I breathe in her direction.

Besides, ignorance is bliss, and the less everybody knows, the better.

*****

Jennis and Lisbet stay with me late into the night. With four candles lit on the table, we huddle around the lights- moths, trying to get as close to the light as we can manage. It truly must be a strange sight, three young women around a table shrouded in silence, with a few candles lit to light their faces. We speak very little, but all of us are thinking.