Coeur Noir

Look. The city is on flames. A dark Angel is playing his guitar. Listen.

A feather fell on my hand; a little grey feather that dances with the wind. My ears shut down every noise. I am listening to its hidden music. I smile as I watch the concrete and your feet walking nervously. I want to tell you to stop, that it doesn't matter any more. Look! I have this small feather on my hand. Its holder stands beside you and has something for me.

Put your phone away. Nobody is going to come. Not yet. Don't you hear him talking to me? I am looking at your motorcycle laying down next to me. I want to see the sky for a moment. But I can't move.

A moment. An imperceptible moment and we fell along with the motorcycle. Fortunately you pulled away in time. But the motorcycle dragged me down. My heel was trapped and it pulled me like the sea pulls away an anchor. I didn't have the time to realize much. Not even when it threw me at the parked car's wheels and then crashed on me.

You came and put it away along with the others. I feel sleepy and I watch your black boots walking nervously. The feather on my hand gets darker. I look behind you. There is something for me. Step aside so that I can see it.

I asked you something at home before you left in the morning.

- Do you think that we can change our fate?

You laughed... and then you said "No"

Something was bugging me with my new shoes but they were your gift and I didn't want to upset you.

I knocked my heels three times as you were taking the motorcycle outside. I turned off the coffee machine and the heater. I left you the letter on the keyboard.

It was nothing but a silly presentiment. I wrote this last night while you were sleeping and I left it there to trick time once more. To stay close a bit more. Will you ever forgive me for all those things that I never told you?

You bow before me. You are talking to me. Or most likely you are shouting to me. I am sorry but I can't hear you, I am so tired. You have blood on you. It isn't yours, is it? You are asking something, I guess. I can't understand what you are saying. I try to smile and as you are leaning over me, I see an angel with a pair of black wings. He takes them down to his palms and they spread like a fan. Do you see them? They are so beautiful. And they are mine.

You will notice the envelope, isn't it so? We hadn't been together for a long time. I came yesterday to your house over the weekend with only my big bag that I always carry with me. I had nothing else with me but for a little secret that I didn't have the time to confess. Nevertheless words never mattered to me, did they? Only moments mattered, like this one. Can you see my black wings? Can you see how beautiful they are?

I apologize for leaving the way I did the last time. I didn't expect you to have visitors. I was making myself some coffee when the doorbell rang and she got in. I was staring at her trying to remember who she was. She kissed you and asked you when you changed the maid. I almost fell sorry for you as you were struggling to come up with something. But you had no idea what to tell and to whom you should tell it. I laughed and I told her that I am a friend of yours. I introduced myself and took my bag telling that I had to catch up with a meeting. Bullshit. I got into a taxi and vanished. We never talked about that.

It has been sometime since then. I am holding a pregnancy test and I am leaning on my bathroom's piles. I am sitting on the floor. I am thinking that it has already started. I didn't know what back then. I feel like someone is pointing at me with a gun. I laugh. *bang*

I can't see you anymore. You can't hear me. I feel my wings blossoming on my back, growing, unfolding.

I had to see you. I didn't know what to tell you. I might have said nothing. Either way we used to avoid talking pointlessly. One night stand and then all those images.

I am writing this letter that you are reading now and I am hugging you with my black wings in order to hide you from my words.

Do you remember that feather on my hand? The wind blew and took it away. I took it as I was flying away. Do you know how I started understanding the Angel? He called me "mum" and he spread his wings and along with his, my wings were spreading too.

He is so beautiful that he magnetizes me like the light magnetizes the butterfly.

It's nothing more than a letter reaching to its end.

On my phone you will find my relatives' numbers. On my bag I have one more letter for them. Can you feel the wind blowing? I left you a chocolate next to my letter, so that you can have something sweet as I am leaving.

There is no time. There is nothing but this pair of black wings.

I will be thinking of you.