If Someone Cares

Discussions with Subconscisious Mind

Me; "What would happen if I die?"

Sub; "All your problems will be solved. No more pain, no more worry. No more stress about being the perfect friend, daughter, and being the sadist that is mean and bitchy."

Me; "But what about my friends that would miss me?"

Sub; "They never really cared about you. They just felt sorry for you."

Me; looks down in shame "But it's a sin to commit suicide."

Sub; "You're going to hell anyways. So it doesn't mater just one more sin to add to all the others."

Me; "Well ma... what am I saying!? Mom can't take care of the farm all alone! So I'm sorry Evida but not till I'm killed. Maybe than she won't be so mad."

Sub; "You worthless piece of shit! I wish you a rotten time in hell! Rot in your own little sick world without me! I'm leaving you in the dark, just like everyone else!"
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That was a few years ago. And yes I named it Evida. Evida is Portuguese for It's Life. Got a problem with that take it up with my psychiatrist! Lol kidding don't have one!...yet~
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"Why doesn't the world just stop spinning? It would make everyone's lives a whole bunch better! I mean seriously there'd be no more pain, worry, stress, murders, sorrow, insanity, chaos, THERE'D BE NOTHING! We all could finally all be in Peace! Does anyone even Listen to my quiet ugly voice?!"
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"IVE GONE INSANE AND NO ONE CARES! Oh look a squirrel!"
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Me:"Who's Singing!?"
Classmate; looks at me like I'm crazy "No ones even talking."
Me; "Oh sorry. Just the voices then."
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Me;"I want to know what it feels like to have my skin cut with a knife..."
Sub; "But your fear of pain won't let you."
Me; "I know. That's why I'll make as many enemies as I can. And hopefully one day they'll do it for me..."
Sub; "Very true."
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Me; "Someone PLEASE MAKE THE VOICES GO AWAY!!!!!" Screams in rage and fear and sorrow.

Many voices inside head; "You're the reason They all left! Your father, best friends, family. Everyone!" "You should've jumped in that river when it was overflowed!" "You deserve so much pain and misery for what you've wrought!"

Me; cries silently "But I didn..."

The voices; "No buts! It was all you!" "You're not even related to us! We look nothing alike!" "You don't even matter! You never did! No one listens because there's nothing there!"  "Everyone you have come to love should leave you in the dark all alone. Just like your father did, he left you to die and so should they!"

Me; "But but they would never..."

Voices; "You can't know that for sure. You only believe things you hear with your ears. Not your eyes."
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me; "I want to jump in that overflowing River and see if anyone cares enough to jump in after me..."

Voice; "Hah like anyone would!"
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