Think About Me

Chapter One

Chapter 1

Eden

The night was cold and the stars were endlessly stacked upon the inked sky. And I couldn't help but inhale deeper, slightly choking as the crisp air burned my throat. And then, with a humongous gulp of breath, I gripped the wheel and whipped my bike around to the other side of the road, pedaling like never before. Dashing forward with speed I have never known to have possessed. The wind harshly caressed my face with its rough fingertips as I sped up even more. Its vigorous touch suffocating me as it took away my last gulp of breath, making my lungs shriek in protest as I bolted forward without looking back. I dodged numerous bystanders, trees and cars and I could not stop. I didn't want to. For if I were to stop, I would hear the rambunctious melody of my thudding heart, I would see the distorted image of her and I just could not bear to see her.

But soon, my legs giving out beneath me, I flew over the wheel and landed on the wet grass that grew on the side of the road. Lying on my back gasping for air, I gazed upon the sky and a bitter feeling settled in the pit of my stomach and refused to diminish. I was angry at the sky; at its freedom and beauty. I knew it was foolish of me to feel this way, yet I couldn't help myself. The only excuse I had for myself, I was tired. And yes, I'm aware of how foolish it might seem – bolting off on my bicycle in the middle of the night, nearly knocking off people on my way to nowhere – but exhaustion can do so much to a breathing human being. And desperation. Desperation to have a purpose, to live the way I ought to live instead of just simply existing. What is the point of breathing if oxygen is toxic?

In a town where everybody sleeps and people wander frantically in search of nothing in particular – living life as if there was nothing else for humans to strive for – everybody simply exists. And my life hasn't always been a million of what ifs that would eat away at my flesh. It hasn't always been like this! Oh, no! In fact, I was content with my life, even happy sometimes. But when ignorance melts away into knowledge and awareness, you begin to question your existence and sheer purpose of residing in this world, in this society. Can I even call it a society? A dumpster of brainwashed entities is a more eligible description of the place I abide in. And I was unaware of it all for an awfully long time.

You see, here, fate has a twisted sense of humor, if it has any that is. Your fate is decided the moment you're born. You have no say in your proceeding life; no say in what to do, where to work, how to live, whom to live with. Everything is already decided for you. Just like how it had been decided for me. Being a pianist is not something I have chosen for myself as an appealing profession. Music is something that I have always been taught, ever since I was a little child growing up in a very strict household, where mischief wasn't tolerated. Consequently, I had to play by the rules if I were to survive the day. When the day slithers away in an awfully slow pace and fails to vary, one usually grows tired of simply living. And not just living. Time is passing by quickly and I have never lived the way I wanted to. Following the "simplistic" rules of the ministry drains one's mind and body. The word of the ministry is law that should be obeyed and accepted without an utterance or mere act of disobedience. And lately I had trouble surrendering myself to these ludicrous laws.

With a snarky, humorless laugh escaping from my throat, I pushed myself off the slightly wet ground and ordered myself to pick up my bike and ride it home. Despite the raging shootings of pain that seem to have a battle in my legs, I forced my feet to start pedaling. Frankly, I didn't even know why I have come so far from home. My mind was completely blank, not even a thought present at the moment - just exhaustion. Sleep was practically begging me to cave in to its gentle caress, and it took me great effort to keep my eyes open and glued to the road, in hopes of not running over someone. However, that was not the case.