When I wake up

Girls? {Part 2}

August 14, 2013

My name is Emma. My name is Emma. My name is Emma, and I am 17 years old. My name is Emma and I got into a car crash and went into a coma. My name is Emma and the love of my live is Hazel. I just have to force myself to remember that and I'll be fine.

I was around 8 when I realized that I didn't like boys. It didn't come as a surprise since I was brutally raped by one, and I don't really like how they smell. I was in 2nd grade when I saw her. She was a 5th grader who was about 12 years old. She had to be the second person I ever talked to outside of school, and I only talked to her because of a friend-boy that I knew. His name was Mike, he was in my grade, and we were in the same class too. Mike lived down the street from my house. He would come over and we would hangout at the park across the street from my house. A few weeks after I start hanging out with Mike I figured out that his girlfriend was  that fifth-grader. Her name was Jill. I also figured out that she lives just one apartment building away from me, so I would go over to her house sometimes. Her mom was a crackhead and she wasn't really interested in talking to me but I would still go over there. She became really distant and then I stop going to her house I just didn't really think she wanted to see me, I knew I was an annoying little kid. But the weird thing was, she started showing up at my house. She would come over after school and asked why I wasn't going to her house anymore, I never really gave a straight answer. I would always blame it on schoolwork or chores. Give a broad answered so it doesn't sound like I'm avoiding her. I didn't know why but I was really happy, and really nervous, whenever I was around her. We didn't really talk that much, and if we did it would always be some stupid thing that she wanted to talk about. Even if the subject was something like what two of our best friends were dating, and to me it just seems retarded, I would still talk to her. I loved hearing her voice, seeing her face, and the way her hair smelled, and that's when I knew things weren't right. It got to the point where we would completely forget about Mike whenever he was around. And  him being slightly retarded he thought that meant that he was getting both girls. Sadly for Mike a few months after me and Jill started talking she broke up with him. She conned him into paying her money, trying to get her to come back. It would be $20 a week and he would deliver in hopes that he would be able to get back together with her. But she never did go back to him. The day they broke up me and Jill started dating. We stayed together for about seven months but then the year ended and she left our school. And she also left me.

      Jill stilled lived close to me so sometimes we would run into each other on the street. She was always with some random girl, and she wouldn't even acknowledge that I was there. But I can't be salty because I was always with a random girl and I wouldn't acknowledge she there either. Sadly me rebounding with any girl I could find slowly turned me into a "baller" of some sorts. So by the time I was in third-grade everyone in my school thought I was a slut. And who's to say I wasn't. But over the years it only got worse. The next year people knew that I was raped. So by the time I was in fifth-grade everyone thought I was a low class escort. I was already getting bullied because I was fat, so why not add on being a slut. I wasn't a little bitch about it though. I would get into fights daily, and win fights daily.  I would come home covered in bruses but I would leave others with cuts. I started wearing rings on every finger, and just beat the shit out of people. Surprisingly I never really got in trouble for it. The teachers would always turn a blind eye to it. I don't think that helped in my mental growth posses, I was full of myself till I met Karlana. She was amazing, she was my everything. We met in 4th grade and she was terrified of me, but soon she came to be my friend. Karlana was a whopping 4 feet and 3 inches, and she was only 8 at the time. And because of he height I felt like I needed to take care of her. Where ever she was I was there too. I would keep my hands around her chest and walk right behind her everywhere. The day I told her I loved her, she didn't say it back. She told me she loved being friends with me and that she didn't like girls, but I still loved her so I didn't push it and we stayed friends. But that was the first time that anyone had said no to my feelings for them, and I was okay with it. Karlana helped me grow so much, she made me stronger. I stopped getting into fights, and my grades started getting better. That was also the year I started to write more. In my mind me and Karlana would stay friends forever and never leave each other, but she just wouldn't let me get what I wanted. At the end of that school year Karlana moved out of state. And we thought we could keep a long distance relationship but that fell apart in less than a week. And I never saw her again, and I never will.

      The reason Karlana had to move that year was because she had a stalker. This man knew where she lived and her schedule. She would see him everyday on her way home, and on several occasions he tried to talk to her. The day he started to touch her was the day her parents decided they needed to move. They saved up money all that year, and moved he bus stop 7 times. At the end of the school year they moved to Mississippi with family. Soon the man found her and he started leaving letters for her in her room. Karlana's family moved 3 more times after that, then finally her mother and father got a divorce from the stress, and Karlana was given to her mother. And then her and her mom moved for the last time. They moved to a small town in Maine and lived normal for one year. And when Karlana turned 15 years old she was killed by her stalker. On May 7, 2011, 15 year old Karlana was raped then beaten to death with a shovel, and her mother was raped and decapitated with a shovel. Karlana's mother was found in the back yard of their home. Only pieces of Karlana's body were found. When her killer was captured he never reviled where her body was. One month after Karlana's killer was incarcerated he pleaded guilty, and was killed by lethal injection.