Diana: One Direction Fanfic

Part 7

It was sad and hilarious and the same time that my best friend, my only friend, was a stranger. By some of the references he made I assumed he was a guy, but that's all I knew about him identification-wise. I know it probably should have been eating me alive that I'd known this guy for three weeks and still no name, no age, no nothing; that I should be wondering with each passing second who he was, but I wasn't. In fact, I liked it better this way. I didn't have to be afraid. There was a comfortable distance between us, and that was something I'd needed before I could open up to him. I was surprised at how easily I could tell him about anything. He knew about my mother and father, and that was a stretch for me. I never thought I'd have told anyone, let alone a practical stranger, that much. But it felt almost good to open up. No matter how much I enjoyed texting him, though, I still couldn't bring myself to tell him about the rumors. Or about Alfie. I doubted whether I ever would be able to tell him. I knew it was slightly irrational, after all, it's not like a stranger could leave me, but I had gotten so so used to living in my own little shell hiding away from everyone and everything else that I just couldn't bring myself to change. The fear was still there. At least I wasn't the only one 'sharing'. He had told me things, too. Things I think, or maybe just hope, he could tell to me and only me. Things like how he could never trust whether people truly liked him for who he was or just because of his reputation. Things like how he is often in so much pain but can never show it because he's set up such a bravado for himself. Like how he's usually surrounded by people but just can't shake off the feeling of loneliness. Utter and hopeless loneliness. And I don't known his name, but I feel like I know him. And he doesn't know mine, but I feel like he knows me, too.

I've gotten a full-time job at a Chapter's book store due to the advice of my mobile friend. They were quite impressed with my work at the library and the few writing awards I'd won, and it landed me a job. Not to mention a recommendation from an anonymous someone, whom I can only imagine was the very same friend due to the vague vain but comedic texts I'd gotten from him when I'd told him I'd gotten the job. I was very grateful to him, and even more glad at the fact that it made him seem closer around, like maybe a real live tangible human being that cared about me and was watching out for me. I smiled during the day, now, because it felt like I was keeping a delicious secret, and I wasn't in alone on it.

I couldn't help inwardly laughing sometimes though, as I thought about the way that creepy guy had told me he would see me later. Ha. I hadn't seen him since, and I was glad about it. Which is why I was beyond surprised when my friend brought him up in a conversation. We had been talking about celebrities we thought were annoying (such as: I hated Lady Gaga, he loved her; he was a bit scared of Kiss, I thought they were spectacular), and then suddenly he just said:

-What do u think of harry styles?

I was confused. That was random.

Where'd he come from? You know him or something?-

His reply surprised me even more.

-Well we were talking about celebrities, weren't we? Obv I know him, like everyone else in the entire world. :P

Wait, what? That weirdo guy with the curly hair and the insanely slow voice was a celebrity? Well, come to think of it, that did explain a lot. I guess it was just weird to think of him as some gigantic rich superstar or something, because he was so...normal. When I think of celebrities, it hardly ever crosses my mind that they're just regular people like me going about their day. It's because it isn't as if I ever see any of them in person. I just see magazines and cardboard cutouts and edited videos on TV. To me, they always just seemed kind of...what was the word?...plastic. I typed a quick reply explaining myself.

Oh, srry. :P if it's anyone who's gotten famous after 2004, I prob hav no idea who they r. -

He was just as surprised.

r u kidding me?! :o that's insane!! y?

I thought about why. I thought about the cocoon I'd wrapped myself in. The endless days of wallowing in my misery doing nothing but sleeping and watching old TV shows. I'd been given tons of funny looks from people when they realized I had know idea what TheWalkingDeadwas. I assumed it was some sort of band. I thought about the way I'd been so scared to turn on the radio, remembering those endless nights when Alfie and I would sit in his car and just listen to the music and watch the stars. I thought about the pain, the fear, the hopelessness...and I didn't want him to know. I didn't want him to see that side of me. So I just lied.

idk...I just don't pay much attention to the media, I guess :P -

And I suddenly felt trapped.

It was these lies. These secrets. And I so badly wished I could tell him, just tell him everything, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't risk losing the only friend I had. I couldn't risk him seeing me in a different light; knowing the kind of person I really was. I wasn't who he thought I was. I was weak. I was afraid. I was lonely. I was going nowhere in life and I knew it.

I blocked his number and pushed the tears away.