Diana: One Direction Fanfic

Part 18

        I was dreaming. I was dreaming and I knew it. Strange...I wasn't a lucid dreamer. I could see myself. Not in a mirror, and not even in a reflection of the water, though it felt that way; but in the way you would look at any other person. I was looking at myself in a way I'd never seen myself before, almost like an out-of-body experience, but different. Well, I didn't know if it was any different. I had never experienced one before, and didn't really know if they even existed. But I knew that this was no phenomena but just a dream, because the version of myself that I now saw was one of the past. I knew what was about to happen; I'd lived through this before. "Hey," he said, extending his hand and smiling at me, "I'm Ben." "I'm Diana," I replied cautiously. Oh, if only you knew, I thought. Then the scene changed. Everything vanished in a sudden wisp of smoke and a new scene arrived. I knew this one, too. I knew it only too well. I watched it happen once more, only this time, I saw everything. I saw the shock, then fear then the helplessness in my face, watched as the light permanently escaped my eyes. I saw the rough way in which he locked me from escape and the firm grip he had on my arms, my legs, the whole of me. I saw her watching, saw her face twist and horror, but she wouldn't move. When she finally ran away, leaving me there, I held my gaze on her back, questioning her. Questioning Ben. "Why did you do it?" I whispered. Then I turned, and I watched as the past version of me pulled herself together. I watched the pain still in her eyes, the way she was only seconds from passing out entirely, but she kept going. I had kept going. It hadn't been my fault. And as I watched the boy I fell in love with pick me up and dust me off, I wondered why his faith in me had never made me see that.

Another scene change. Wisps disappeared into nothingness once more and was again replaced with something different. I was watching my memories through the eyes of an imaginary bystander. It was almost as if I was watching a badly cut movie of my life, with different seemingly random scenes appearing all at once. This time I saw me and Alfie. He was smiling at me, and I was smiling back, looking like a fool with that idiotic grin on my face. But I knew I was happy. "I love you, Diana," he said slowly. I knew I had been speaking the truth when I replied, "I love you, too." He looked into my eyes and told me he would never leave me. Scene change. Wisps. Next memory. Or...what was this? This wasn't a memory of mine at all. I knew perfectly well what was about to happen. and all breath escaped my lungs as I watched, but this was no memory of mine. This was something I had only imagined again and again over in my head, never have being been there to have witnessed it. But it was something that killed me more and more everyday, something I could never let go of no matter how hard I tried. There he was. Alfie, sitting there in the car with the steering wheel gripped tight in his hands. Tears ran down his face; oh if only I could have wiped those tears away. Please don't cry, my beautiful love. But there was no one there to save him. Not even me. I wondered if he was thinking of me right then, right in that moment before he did it. Did I cross through your mind, Alfie? Did you ever think about the pain I would feel? Did you even care? I was waiting tensely, completely on edge, crying with my beautiful savior, waiting for the moment when it would happen; waiting to watch him be stolen from me once more. I'd forgotten that this was only a dream. It seemed to me that he was still alive, just sitting there, pondering his suicide, counting the seconds until he would go through with it. The waters beneath the highway bridge shined brightly as if calling to him, echoing off a thousand cries that only he could hear. Please don't do this. Not again. Don't leave me again. The winds whispered, the sky was dark, the streetlights were just a blur through our tears. Baby, no. And then another car sped forward in a rush, and I could hear the impact of metal against metal, and then he was gone. My heart stopped beating. Gone. I stopped breathing. Gone. I fell down to my knees. Gone.

And then he sped away.

He killed my Alfie, and then he sped away.

It wasn't my fault. It had been an accident.