Jonnor, Please!

Chapter 9

Chapter written by benji2795 and originally posted on March 7, 2016

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Shitty shakes his head, highly amused as he watches Connor Stevens, Samwell Men's Hockey Team left winger #25, climbs back into the Haus through the window, as he just became LGBTQ+ student number 25 to come out to him. Shitty still doesn't quite understand what it is about him that draws people to him, makes them feel safe about coming out to him, but he's not sure that's a mystery he'll ever be able to solve. Maybe though, he thinks, it's time to take Lardo up on her offer to put "Will Affirm All Sexual Identities" on a t-shirt for him.

Number 25 is a pretty significant milestone though, and it's just another thing that makes Shitty wonder if going to Harvard, becoming a lawyer, is the best choice. Shitty still vividly remembers when Bitty came out to him and told him he should become a peer counselor. It's something that's stuck with him, and as more people come forward, trusting him with what's likely their biggest secret, the more he thinks that Bitty might be right. Perhaps being a lawyer in the best thing for him.

That thought, though, is for another time. Right now, Shitty needs to put his lawyer skills to the test and Sherlock the shit out of what's been happening in the Haus. Being a confidant for Jack, Bitty, and now Con puts him in an unusual position of knowing almost every side of the situation. Scrambling through the window into his room, Shitty grabs a piece of paper and a pen and starts writing down everything he knows:

Jack is fucking ass over tea kettle for BitsBitty is also a fucking goner for JackOn top of that, Con is also, apparently, very gayJude and Bitty's "relationship" is a one big phony actBitty said Jude has a crush on someone, and considering Bits won't tell him who it is, he's pretty sure it's someone on the teamCon, quite clearly, has a crush on someone too (likely also on or affiliated with the team)Jude and Con were in each other's fucking pockets prior to Winter ScrewJude and Bitty's fake relationship began at Winter ScrewJude and Con have some weird tension shit going on between them that started after Winter ScrewBoth Jack and Con are fucking sold on Jude and Bits' fake relationship

He spends a few minutes pouring over his list, trying to connect all the dots in a way the fits the situation, and when it finally hits him, he starts cackling. It's ridiculous, and those boys are ridiculous, because here's the kicker: their entire predicament is one of their own design. Because here's what happened:

Bits and Jack are total fucking goners for each other, and clearly, so are Jude and Con. Problem is, Jack and Con like, to the untrained eye, oozeheterosexuality, so Jude and Bitty are certain they'll never have a chance with the people they like. Somewhere along the line, they tell each other the situation they're in, which leads to them bonding over the boys they think they'll never have. And, as tends to happen when you confide a big secret in someone, Jude and Bitty grow close as platonic bros, but Ransom and Holster mistook it as romantic attraction (the misguided idiots, who will apparently read romantic context into every situation except their own, which isn't really Shitty's business, except for the fact that it's fucking annoying). In the face of likely relentless pressure from R&H to go together as Winter Screw dates (because R&H, though great bros they are, do not fucking know when enough is enough), Jude and Bitty decide to play along, despite not having any interest in such a relationship.

Which is fine, that's their prerogative he guesses, except that when Jack and Con find out that they're apparently dating, the pinwheel starts flying apart. When Jack found out, by assuming things when he finds out that Jude's parents were coming to the Haus, he started completely avoiding Bitty. Con finds out and when forced to share a room with Jude, copes with situation by ignoring the other boy. Jude doesn't take kindly to this, leading to an unbearable tense, explosive situation in the attic. As Jude and Bitty struggle to understand what's caused the sudden change in their friends, they start exclusively hanging out with each other, not wanting to deal with the other moody boys, which reinforces what Jack and Con think about Jude and Bitty's relationship.