Scholar // Phan

Fourteen

After that night, Phil and I's friendship continued as normal. It was as if nothing had happened; nothing had changed between us, and that was absolutely fine with me. However, now begged the question: was I going to ask him out?

Of course, Tyler was all for it, telling me I should "just go for it!" Personally, I wasn't so sure. Coming out was one thing, asking Phil to be my boyfriend was on an entirely different level.

I didn't really have much time to dwell on Phil, anyway; with December rolling around, the end of the term (and Christmas!) was in sight. Soon, I'd be at home with my family on Christmas morning, laughing and opening gifts...

The holiday season was my favorite time of year. Everyone was so much happier, the decorations were beautiful, and you got two whole weeks off from school. I had been a bit worried that Tybalt wouldn't do anything about the holidays, but, oh boy, they did.

It was as if the school had been turned into a winter wonderland almost overnight. Large baubles were hung from awnings, garland wrapped around anything that would hold still, and a Christmas tree sat at the center of campus, lighting up everywhere around it. It really put you in the holiday spirit.

Phil had taken dorm decorations into his own hands, and had set up fairy lights and tinsel in our room. A little wreath was hung from our door, and he'd even bordered my keyboard in holly.

"You really like Christmas, huh?" I said to him one evening. We were taking a walk around campus to look at the Christmas lights. It had been Phil's idea, and wow, what a great idea it was.

"Yeah," he replied, beaming. "It just feels so... Happy. I mean, everyone's so much nicer to each other, I love the food, and I get to see my family all together. I don't get to do that often, now that I go to school here, you know?"

"Yeah." We walked in silence, before I spoke up again. "Do you miss them a lot? Your family, I mean."

He looked over at me, then to the ground. "Yeah. I never stop missing them." He stopped walking and sort of just stood there for a moment. "I love going here, don't get me wrong, it's just... You kind of have to grow up a little faster than you'd like. The longest I've been able to spend time with my family since I was in grade school has been summer."

"I see." I murmured. I guess I had never thought about the fact that Phil had started boarding when he was eleven.

He rubbed his eyes and looked back up, smiling. "It's alright, though. It's tradition, and I really like going to Tybalt. It's fun, and I can hang out with you all the time."

I smiled slightly and tried to change the subject. "The lights are so beautiful."

"Right? Man, I need to take you to town sometime soon. During the holidays, there's a bus that comes by later at night so you can walk around town and look at the lights. It's really stunning, plus they give out free hot chocolate in the streets."

We walked together around campus until curfew, the lights illuminating our faces and filling us with a feeling of joy.

• • •

Later that week, Phil, Chris, PJ, and I were all just hanging out in our dorm. The Christmas radio station was playing softly in the background, all of us sitting quietly, listening as we each did our own thing. Eventually, PJ sat up and said, "Hey, the bus for town is leaving soon, do you guys want to go?"

"I'll go," Chris said. "Let me get my coat."

"Awesome. Dan, Phil? You guys coming?"

I shrugged and looked over to Phil, who was sitting at his desk. Phil looked over to me, then back to PJ. "I think we'll go some other time," he said. "Thanks for the invite, though."

PJ just shrugged and grabbed his shoes. "Suit yourself. Come on, Chris." They both gave a slight wave and walked out, leaving Phil and I alone.

Phil stayed at his desk for a moment, scrolling through something on his phone. I sat in my bed, twiddling my thumbs and waiting for him to do something. Finally, I said, "So, what do you want to do?"

He looked up and smiled, turning down the radio. "If it's fine with you, I kind of want to hear you play some piano. Do you know any Christmas songs?"

"Oh, uh, sure, yeah. I know a couple."

"Let's hear it, then!"

I grinned and got out of bed, going to sit at my keyboard, when Phil flicked off the lights, leaving only the fairy lights on. "What's that for?"

"Mood lighting."

"Mood lighting?" I laughed. "What is this?"

"It's your concert! I'm setting the mood and making things jolly!"

"My concert, is it?"

"Yeah! Now come on and play already!"

I laughed and shook my head, setting my hands on the keys. Phil walked over and leaned against the dresser, waiting eagerly. I tried to remember all the Christmas songs I knew, deciding on "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," then took a deep breath and started playing.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Let your heart be light

From now on, our troubles will be out of sight 

I relaxed and let the music ring out, the song taking over my hands.

Here we are as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

I could hear Phil humming along and smiled to myself.

Through the years we all will be together

If the fates allow

So hang a shining star upon the highest bough

And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

I finished the song and set my hands in my lap, sitting in silence. I heard the dresser creak and felt Phil move. "So, what did you think?"

I looked up to see Phil leaning over me, his face merely inches away from mine. My eyes met his intense gaze, making my breath hitch as he slid a hand behind my neck. His eyes closed as he leaned closer and murmured, "I thought it was brilliant." His lips brushed softly against mine, and suddenly, he was kissing me.

Oh my God, oh my God, Phil Lester is kissing me.

He pulled away for a moment and whispered, "is this okay?" I simply nodded, no words coming to my mind. He smiled and leaned forward, kissing me again, this time deeper than before. I closed my eyes and tilted my head, draping my arms around his shoulders. A faint taste of eggnog lingered on his lips, warm and sweet. The smell of his cologne made my head spin as he ran his hand up my stomach and over my chest, stopping at my shoulder. I swore my heart was beating so loud he could hear it.

I felt Phil move his hands to my shoulders as he pulled away, allowing me to take a breath. He looked me in the eyes and smiled.

"Wow," I said under my breath, smiling back. "Were you... Planning that?"

He laughed and leaned back against the dresser. "In a way, yes."

"Wow." I couldn't keep myself from grinning. "So does this mean... Do you...?"

"Yes, Dan. I... like you." He bit his lip and looked away, pushing his hands into his jean pockets.

I stood up to face him. "It's okay, I like you too."

He snorted. "Yeah, well, that was a bit obvious."

"Oh, shut up, you dickhead."

He smirked and shook his head. "Only kidding, Daniel." I rolled my eyes and pushed past him, walking towards the door. "Even if it's true..."

"You're an asshole," I called behind me.

"Yeah, but I'm your asshole."

I snorted and looked behind me. Phil furrowed his brow, confused, before he finally understood. "Wait, that came out wrong."