Rebel Heart

Part 7 - This girl got secrets.

This is home sweet home.
But sometimes I just want to escape it.
Ever since I was little my parents use to argue.
Sometimes I don't think my parents know how much this affects me.
Seeing my dad shout at my mum.
Having to watch salty water drip form my mums eyes.
Having to hear a loud bang from when my dad hit my mum
I guess I'd never know what a true happy family lives like.
I lived in fear my whole child hood that my dad was going to do something to my mum.
I would stay up late just to make sure nothing happened and that she was safe.
Causing my mum to shout at me every morning because I was late to school, but the truth is she never knew I stayed up because of her.
Because I love her.
I don't know what I would do if anything was to happen to her.

But I have a secret...
Like most teenagers
But this is a secret if never tell anyone about,
But when things get hard,
And I've been left in the dark,
The only way I feel free...
Is by pain,
And that pain is by finding one of my dads razors and slashing the cold sharp blaze against my warm bare skin.

Tonight is one of those nights
The night I could hear my parents shouting and throwing stuff at eachother,
The night I could hear my mums tears fall on the floor,
It was one of those nights I would curl up into a ball in our bathtub.
With my dads razor in my hand,
It was the only way I could block out all the pain.
At the moment it would always feel right,
Just after it would feel wrong.
So much shit happens in life,
And their ain't anything you can do about it,
I always felt that if I told someone, express how I felt.
I would tell them my weakness,
And I was always scared they'd use it against me,
I always felt no one could understand my situation.
So id always put on a fake smile And act like Everything was okay,
But it wasn't...
But no one needed to know that.
After washing the blood from my cuts,
I kissed my teeth due to the cold water hitting my freshly cut scars.
I headed to bed putting on a fake smile.