YOUNGJAE 영재
BLU / OFFONOFF
Youngjae is slumped in front of his MacBook at the kitchen counter, drawing dizzying little circles in the smooth keypad with his index finger and humming absently to the song filtering through his tinny headphones. He's supposed to be asleep but that's been a hard thing to do as of late. Instead he's picking through songs on Soundcloud, hoping to stumble across some soothing track to lull him into a deep sleep.
Youngjae hears one of the bedroom doorknobs rattling behind him and he gasps, whipping around to see who he woke up. The digital clock on the stove reads 4:03 in flickering red lights. It's possible one of his co-members wanted to wake up a few hours early to fit in extra practice but Youngjae isn't sure.
His heart rate picks up when Jaebum's scruffy-haired head ducks through the doorway. His eyes and lips are puffy from sleep and his t-shirt is wrinkly and Youngjae seals his mouth shut to avoid drooling. The way the thin, white cotton is pulled across Jaebum's broad shoulders makes Youngjae sigh lovingly. But the love is quickly replaced by fear when he sees the irritation in the leader's dark eyes.
Youngjae turns around and stands abruptly, slamming his laptop shut and shucking the earbuds out of his ears so he can go back to tossing around in bed aimlessly for a few more hours. He tries to scuttle around Jaebum to their shared bedroom, avoiding his gaze in embarrassment.
"Where are you going?" Jaebum hooks an arm around Youngjae's stomach to stop him. "Going to try to sleep, hyung. I know you don't like when I'm out of our room this late." Youngjae's eyes skim the floor. He wishes he was Coco's thoroughly chewed, rubber peach toy right now.
"I was gonna make something to eat; Just stay up with me." Jaebum's grip loosens and he pats Youngjae's shoulder twice.
"O-okay." Youngjae's skin feels warm where Jaebum's touch lingers. He watches the older slink lazily behind the kitchen island, as he begins to fumble around for ingredients.
"We need to tell manager-hyung about your sleeping habits. So we can get you to a doctor." Jaebum suggests, placing a box of eggs on the counter. Youngjae just nods meekly, returning to his seat opposite Jaebum.
"What exactly is it? That makes it hard to sleep?"
"It's weird, like, I sleep so lightly that I'm awake before my body is. And then I have really scary hallucinations. I looked it up, I think it's called sleep paralysis." Youngjae explains, re-opening his laptop. He wants to show Jaebum some of the music he found.
"What kind of hallucinations?"
"Weird shi- stuff." Youngjae coughs. Cursing around his hyung always makes him uncomfortable.
"Just say 'shit,' Youngjae-ah, it's 4 am." Jaebum shakes his head indifferently. He's leaning over the granite counter, chin in his palms, looking into Youngjae's eyes so he knows he's really listening. The undivided attention is slightly unsettling but it makes Youngjae feel special at the same time.
"Weird shit. The worst one was a few nights ago...I could feel hands on my neck and someone like prodding at my forehead. It felt so real. And, then there was this demonic voice in my ears threatening to kill me over and over." Youngjae's voice shakes at the thought and Jaebum rounds the counter to hug him because he thinks the boy is on the verge of tears. He isn't but he doesn't mind the affection.
"That's fucking scary, I'm sorry. Yah, we need to find out what we can do about this as soon as possible." Jaebum's fingers rustle through Youngjae's soft hair and the younger boy suddenly feels tired. He thinks he could sleep just like this with his left cheek pressed to Jaebum's toned chest.
"I used to have to come up with all kinds of creative methods to wake you up. You're the last person I would expect to suffer from something like this." Jaebum chuckles, pulling away slightly but leaving his fingers on the hem of Youngjae's shirt. Youngjae rolls his eyes at the memories: waking up to horrible noises or soaked in water with fragments of crushed ice caught up in his hair.
"You'll be fine, Jae." Jaebum assures, turning away to turn the stove on.
"Can I play you this song I found?" Youngjae asks, staring at Jaebum's back as he opens his computer. "Okay... Just play it softly so we don't wake everyone up." Jaebum glances over his shoulder at Youngjae. The simple request makes Jaebum's heart soft for the boy. He knows his other dongsaengs would just play the song without any kind of explanation but Youngjae is always so careful to stay out of trouble with Jaebum. It almost makes Jaebum wish Youngjae were more open with him. Just how nice is he? The egg sizzling on the pan brings him back to reality.
##
Jaebum places a steaming plate of rice, red and black beans, and fried egg under Youngjae's nose about twenty minutes later. The pair have been mostly silent, listening peacefully to Youngjae's Soundcloud likes with the occasional comment if they liked a certain part of a song.
"Thanks for the meal, hyung." Youngjae smiles, already beginning to rake through the rice with his chopsticks. "Sure." Jaebum replies, piercing the yolk of his egg.
They scroll around on Twitter while they eat. "I feel like we should be doing v-live or something right now." Youngjae comments through a mouthful of rice. "What kind of person would wake themselves up at 5 am to watch two bare-faced idols eating pat bab like zombies?" Jaebum says, stealing a bite of the egg white that Youngjae has mostly neglected.
"How bad do we- I mean, I- look right now?" Youngjae pulls up photobooth on his computer while Jaebum elbows him for putting himself down.
He watches as Youngjae removes the dingy, pink post-it note that he keeps over the webcam for safety. "Cute post-it." Jaebum smiles, flicking the paper. "At least I know hackers can't steal unsuitable footage of me through this camera and ruin our careers." Youngjae taunts, scrolling through pages of corny photobooth filters. "What kind of unsuitable footage are they gonna find-"
Youngjae coughs loudly and with purpose and Jaebum just laughs, elbowing him in the ribs. "You don't even think like that, you're only nineteen."
"What?" Youngjae is mildly offended. Jaebum just bites his lip and shakes his head, trying to drop the subject. "I swear you all think just because I'm a nice kid that I'm also a carpet square."
"Take a sexy selca then, Jae. Go. Prove it." Jaebum ignores Youngjae, turning the younger boy's face to the camera. "Are you crazy? You don't use blockhead for a sexy selfie." Youngjae changes the effect to dizzy, giggling at the little blue birds that circle Jaebum's head.
They take one with Youngjae holding a bite of rice to his mouth cutely and another with Jaebum poking his tongue out. Then another and another, laughing at the multiple effects. Their heads drift closer and closer in each picture.
"I don't know what I'll do with these." Youngjae says as they pose for a "serious" shot.
They lean their heads together and eye each other on screen distantly. Jaebum was right about them looking like dead boys. The harsh computer light does nothing but worsen the glare of their ghastly pale faces and piercing black eyes under uncombed hair. The purple-ish half-moons under Youngjae's eyes tell of sleepless nights.
"Cutie, Youngjae." Jaebum coos, pinching his cheek. Youngjae smacks Jaebum's arm playfully, mistaking the adoration for sarcasm. He presses the camera button and lunges at Jaebum at the last second to plant a wet kiss on his cheek.
Jaebum jerks away from Youngjae so abruptly that he falls out of his seat and creates a commotion. The shameless laughter that follows is what wakes everyone else in the dorms up.
