My Lies and All the Apologies I Owe

Chapter One

Lie Number One: "I'm fine, bro." Nine times outta ten I'm not really fine. I just want you to leave me the fuck alone. So leave me alone or be that person to see through my lies and push me until I tell you. I deal with self-harm. Yeah I said it. Now get off my back about it. I'm tryin really hard to be pretty and fake a smile and keep this from Justis so cut me some slack when I look kinda depressed every once in a fucking blue moon. Aight? Thank you, and goodbye.

Apology Number One: Justis, I like you alot and I am so sorry I can't tell you how much I hate myself. If you self-harmed too it wouldn't be so damn hard. I just gotta wait, til you're older, or til we been dating longer, or somethin. I just can't right now. I always kinda chuckle to myself when your brother says we're in love, not because it's a lie, but because I'm tryna figure out if it's true. I really don't know what love is. And I'm sorry that I'm not as sweet to you as you are to me, I'm not really that great about stuff like that. And I don't wanna leave you for two years when I go to ninth grade, how are we gonna work that mess out? I can't put in words how important you are to me, and I'd die if anything ever happened to you. I wish I could just look at myself with a machine and know exactly what I was feeling, but I can't, so I'm sorry for that too.

|A/N| These aren't particularly in order, they're more whenever they come to mind. And I won't be puttin an apology with a lie or a lie with an apology sometimes. I like to switch things up sometimes, ya know? Aight. Love you babies. Night.