Finally Found Love

Chapter 19

(Placement of Stiles bandage above and play the music to the right)

Stiles POV

I'm on my way to Derek's loft thinking about how I'm going to talk to him without saying any of the wrong words.

I rub the side of my face in frustration, then I look at the bandage on my arm and reimagine everything that happened yesterday.

The look on Derek's face when he walked out of my room, I can't forget it.. What if Derek and I weren't in love then?

Who knows what would've happened? I probably would've killed myself that day, I probably wouldn't be here.

Derek needs to know that I love him, God I love him so much I was about to kill myself just to protect him.

I pull up to Derek's loft and I'm sure that he can sense that I'm here now. I wonder what he must be feeling.

I go inside the loft and see Derek putting a bunch of stuff in a duffle bag, and I scrunch up my face in confusion.

S- "Derek.. What're you doing?"

He looks at me in worry, like he's about to tell me the worst news possible.

D- "Stiles I can't see you.. Not now.."

S- "Why? What's going on?"

Derek looks down at his duffle and takes a deep breath then looks back at me, and I get more intent.

D- "Stiles, your mom is right.. I'm a danger to you"

S- "Derek, no you're not, look my mom approves of you now.. She realized that when you came to help me that you truly loved me"

D- "Look at your arm Stiles... I did that, it was me!"

He started to raise his voice and stepped back from the level of his voice.

D- "I'm leaving Stiles"

My face immediately goes to a hurt expression.

S- "What, Derek you can't leave.. Why're you leaving?"

D- "I can't stay here.. Not if I'm going to hurt you"

A hurt, worried expression crept up on my face and I felt like I wanted to cry.. I felt like I just wanted to die.

S- "When are you leaving?..."

Derek is not helping my situation right now, I just tried to kill myself yesterday and now he's leaving. If he actually leaves I might actually do it.. He can't leave me, I'm not letting him leave anymore.

D- "I plan on leaving California by tomorrow night.."
S- "You said you wouldn't leave me.. you said you wouldn't leave.."
D- "Stiles, I'm not doing this for you!!"
S- "Then why are you leaving?!"
D- "I'm doing this for me, so that I can be sure I won't hurt anyone else.. All I've done in my life is hurt the people I'm closest to and I don't want that for you"
S- "Then don't leave!! You think leaving is going to make my life better, NO! It's going to make it worse... It's going to be miserable!"

He looks at me and takes another deep breath, then goes to say something.. I don't even wanna listen, but I wonder what he has to say.

D- "Look, I don't wanna do this.. But I need to, if I leave I won't be able to hurt you anymore... I'm only doing this because I don't wanna hurt you"

S- "Fine then, leave! I don't care! If you wanna leave me then you're more than welcome to.. But we.. We can't be together. When you leave don't call me or text me, but if you decide to come back, it won't mean I'll be waiting... I will try to move on, and it won't be easy finding love all over again, but me and you we can't be together.."

I turn and head towards the door to leave, but he calls my name in so much hurt that it's hard to just walk out on him.. If he wants to walk out on me, it shouldn't be too much harder to do it to him.

***

I get home and slam the door behind me, I turn around and punch the door. I go into the dining room and sit down at the table, then I start balling my eyes out.. I whisper to myself 'why? why does everything that goes wrong is because of me?!'

I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and I turn around to see my mom, she slowly comes and sits down next to me at the table.

Mom- "Stiles? What's wrong, why're you crying? Did something happen with Derek?"

I can't look at her but she puts her finger under my chin and lifts my head to. She doesn't even have to say anything in order for me to know that she wants me to talk to her.

Mom- "Stiles you have to tell me what's wrong, I won't be able to comfort you if you don't tell me.."

I take in a deep breath.

S- "We broke up.. We broke up because he's leaving California tomorrow"

She sighs and scoots over to bring me into a side hug, I begin to cry even more and leave a new trail of tears.

Mom- "Did you try to reason with him? What do you think was going through his head?.."

I sit up in my chair and look my mom in the eyes.

S- "I don't know, he said that he had to leave in order to protect me.. That my life would be easier if he wasn't in it... So we broke up, if he comes back I don't think I'll be able to love him the same"

My mom rubs my shoulder and kisses me on the side of my forehead, we both turn around to hear the front door open, it's my dad.

He looks over and notices me and my mom, so he walks over to see what's wrong.

Dad- "What's going on? Is everything okay?"

S- "Derek's leaving.."

He looks between me and mom and reaches down to hug the both of us.

Dad- "Stiles, I'm so sorry.. Do you know why? Trust me you'll find a way to get over it"

S- "We broke up.. He said that he didn't wanna hurt me anymore, so he decides that leaving will make everything better"

I get up and go to my room, none of us say another word, my parents probably didn't think I wanted to talk any further.

I didn't, I just wanted Derek.. I needed him and now he's leaving me. I don't know what I'm gonna do without him, he was the only thing that felt real.

And now he's gone too.

I don't even know where I'd be if he hadn't come into my life when he did... He made everything feel right, he made it feel real.

Like I actually had a purpose for being alive. With Derek I felt good about being alive, but now without him...

I don't know why being alive even matters?