In Our Hearts

6 ~ KOURTNEY

I woke up with my arms wide open on the bed, with feet dangling on the edge. My eyes are on the spinning ceiling and I see his smile. I smiled back to him and a tear fell from my eye.

I want to describe this moment and write it down but my head is too heavy. I can write a song but three or four minutes will not be enough to let the whole world know how hard this can be. Although, it'll be enough to let him know how wrong he was for breaking my heart.

I want to scream the pain out but I don't have strength to. I twist my neck and glance at the digital clock on the bedside table.

3:20 a.m.

I noticed the glass of water and aspirin beside it. I crawl out of the bed to reach for the medicine. It's a struggle just to drag myself on the edge and I feel there's more of this to come for this day.

I lay still on the bed for a moment and soon as I feel the aspirin doing its purpose, I get up and walk to right corner of my room. I look outside through the floor to ceiling glass window and scoffs.

The New York still never sleeps and everyone is going on with their lives, seeing those huge billboard with my face on it but has anyone ever wonder where could I be or what I might be doing right now? Am I really interested to know? Do I really want people to know my where abouts?

Honestly, I want them to know to give the media something to talk about, let them spread the word until it reach Brin. Where is Brin? Does he think about me? Does he know how painful is this for me?

The medicine completely kicked in by now and I thank my personal helper silently for keeping up with my mess. I open the drawer from the bedside table. I took a blank sheet of paper and a pen. With still in my pink velvet robe, I walk bare feet towards the living room where a grand piano sits close the giant window.

I tap a key. I tap it again and followed with a different one. I keep pressing random keys to create a new tune. The words are just whirling in my head, waiting for a sound to rhyme in to. It started as mellow, then dramatic and it ended with grudging sound as I slam my fingers on low keys and produced sounds like a poor girl is being chase by some kind of monster in a horror movies. I lean my elbows on the piano keys and it created yet another low, awful sound. I cup my face and wipe the fresh tears from falling. I don't think this is really happening. I am Kourtney Stewart, I am a young, multi- awarded singer and I always get what I want; people dreamt to have what I have.  I composed myself as I try to get back on composing my new chart topping single. I point the tip of the pen on the paper when my landline rings. I just let it ring and waited for it to go straight to the voicemail. The beep goes after my welcome message.

"Kourt? Uh.. It's  me, Estelle. Listen, I don't know which part of the news you've already seen and I swear to God, none of those are true, Brin can attest to that." I straighten my back with the mention of his name and I tried to recall the previous words she said before it.

"If you'll let me, I will definitely tell all the details when I get back. Hope to see you soon. I miss you." And the line went dead.

I tilt my head for a split second and my heart starts throbbing faster. News? Brin? Star? Rumours? Those words seem to be lethal combinations to me but I don't want to think about it. Just yet, I can't. 

I sprint back to my room and open my laptop. If I'm looking for something, Search engine will give what I want just when I want it. Hesistantly, I typed Brin and Star's name and hit search...

FRESH FROM PARIS: "BRIN'S NEW FLAME BEEN NAMED!"

"STAR AND BRIN SPOTTED HOLDING HANDS IN FRANCE!"

"IT'S THE BFF'S TURN!!!"

"See it, Hear it first @ HolyFuckingHollywood's Worldwide Trend : STAR GOMEZ AND BRIN MCCLORY GOT BUSTED ON THEIR SECRET DATE AFTER GETTING MOBBED BY FANS!"

"What the. actual. ffff...." I  said merely audible to myself. At first I want to laugh at it but pictures are being flagged with every article I open. Brin is dragging her inside the van. So many specualtions, so many versions of the story but none of them seem to know what is really going on.

My name is tagged with every article. The world haven't even confirmed if Brin and I were really dating and just few days ago they were debating if we already broke up and now there's  already a new girl in the picture? Not just any girl but the girl I treated as my friend!

This is not possible, isn't it? My first thought is to call Brin but knowing him and with these rumours circling, he will not answer the phone. These stupid rumours are even the reason why things ended between us. I guess I have no choice but to wait for Star to go home. But my anxiety is killing me. I've search and read each and every article about Brin and Star someone was even able to create an article saying he had seen this coming, he collected series of pictures wherein Brin and Star were on two different group but seem to be constantly checking each other; there were also pictures showing when both of them went on a place, not together but speculated to be meeting there secretly. Some people might be lured to believe these crap but not me. But I feel like I'm starting to become one of those naive people the longer I stay lurking on this search engine.

I close my laptop and started pacing in small circles, creating holes in my bedroom floor. I cover my mouth  and rake my hair away from my pace. This must be the worst joke in my life.

When I check my phone, I have several messages from Star as well, explaining herself. She is beyond worried, thinking everything between us already gone south since I'm not responding to any of her messages. Honestly, I don't know if I will be able to respond either if I heard this on time. So on the bright side, it gave me more time to process it, I clearly don't know what to make of this. I hit reply and send her a message, assuring that we're still good but I make a point to make her feel that she owes me an explanation. A real, good one.

I rethink what just happened. If these rumours are true, -which is not- I will be pissed off with Star. Thinking I build her career  only to be repaid by treason with my boyfriend, my ex- boyfriend, whom I pursue of winning back.

No, Brin and Star is never a possibility. I mean, she's  pretty but I'm  sure she's not the type of girl Brin will go to and surely Star is more into safe zone boys and not with a spontaneous guy like Brin. I laugh at myself for not realizing it earlier. I know when Star get back. We'll  have a good story to laugh about.