Transient Equilibrium

⇌9⇌

Arwin~

I awake, slowly opening my eyes as they adjust to the darkness. It's just before dawn, as the tendril pinpricks of light claw their way up to the horizon. The point in time where all nature sits in anticipation, waiting for the first rays of light to ignite the sky. The time where the whole earth holds it's breath; quiet and unmoving, hoping that the sun will rise again today. I too, sit quiet and unmoving, waiting along with everything else, not wanting to get up in the frigid air. That is until I notice the extra body heat at my back; the reason I'm not shivering. I turn my head ever so slightly to see that Theo has brought his blankets over as well and is cuddled around me. How I didn't notice this fact before is beyond me, but now that I notice, it feels so natural. Him cradling me in a cocoon of warmth, under the stars, in the middle of the forest; definitely normal.

"Theo," I whisper to him, and again when he doesn't respond, "Theo." as I slightly shake his arm around me.

"Hmmm?" he responds groggy and attempting to open his eyes. When he finally focuses on my face so close to his, he snaps awake, his eyes flying wide open and his body bolting to an upright position, which entails freezing air coming into contact with my back. "I'm sorry," he sputters, "I can explain."

"Theo," I chuckle, "It's alright." I attempt to finish but am already cut off by his rambling.

"--well you see, you were screaming in the middle of the night--thrashing around and such--so I came over to calm you down and I guess I fell asleep and...wait, it's alright?" he finally asks as he comes to the realization of my reply.

"That's what said isn't it?"

"Well yeah but--"

"Well I was warm for the first time in a long while and I guess I kind of--"

"Kind of what?"

"Enjoyed it?" I say more questioningly than definite.

"You enjoyed it?" he asks as heat spreads to his cheeks.

"Well I wouldn't say that's the exact word for it--" I say as I start blushing too.

"But you didn't mind it." he states factually.

"No." I agree.

"Me either...it was actually kind of--nice." he says struggling for a word.

"Yeah," I agree, "Nice. That's it." I say, him nodding along as we both struggle to convince ourselves and each other that that's all it was.

"Yes, nice."

"I was screaming in the middle of the night?" I ask, "Thrashing and such?" quoting his description.

"Well I guess it wasn't like exactly screaming--or entirely thrashing--but you were calling out for your dad and tossing and turning." he says bashfully.

"Ah," I comment smirking.

"What?" he asks.

"Oh, nothing..." I tease back.

"What, Arwin?" he persists.

"You liked it didn't you?" I ask, "You did it because you wanted to."

"No--well yes--but I didn't--I did it because I didn't want you to hurt yourself."

"Mhm." I say knowingly. I've never seen him be so awkward and unsure of himself around me before.

"Be honest with me," I say, "You've never hid stuff from me before. Why now?"

"I'm not hiding anything..." he trails off avoiding my eyes.

"Theo, I'm not stupid. I know when you're not telling me everything."