Reflections

Chapter 1

The Pessimistic Optimist Bella - Entry 43
March 3, 2015

It's raining again. Not even a drizzle, but a thunderstorm. Nakikisabay yata sa pag-sesenti ko. Birthday ko kasi. Parang wala namang naiba. I'm still the same person I was yesterday, only a year older. Oh well.

I've been spending the last few days re-decorating my apartment. Medyo boring and plain na rin kasi yung itsura. Ever since I moved out of my parents' house more than 2 months ago, honestly, it's liberating. I can now do things on my own accord. Ah, freedom.

Anyway, my favorite band is coming to town tonight. Ugh, and thank goodness Rj was able to grab the tickets before it got sold out. I am definitely a fan of Parachute's new album. 'Wide Awake' is by far my favorite. Rj actually asked me to be his girlfriend through one of their songs, so since then, I've been a fan. It's our thing you know, listening to Parachute while we stay up all night and eat popcorn. It's quite unusual, but one of my favorite things in the world. Especially now that my parents are fighting again.

My mom has been threatening my dad with annulment for the past few weeks. I love my dad but ever since my mom found out he's been seeing one of his old girlfriends, I lost all my trust in him, especially because we were so close. And recently, my mom revealed to me that he actually slept with the woman and got her pregnant. She is three months along the pregnancy. I never really had the chance to confront my father about it but when I do, I honestly don't know what to say. Hindi ko alam kung iiyak ba ako, magagalit, magwawala. Ewan. I don't know how to go about it. It just pains me that after all the years of their marriage, he decided to cheat now, seemingly without remorse.

They don't even sleep in the same bed anymore, and frankly, I think it's better that way. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for fixing marriages but how can you fix something that's unfixable? Cheating is a choice, cheating was my dad's choice.

My parents have always been inseparable. I remember when my dad was assigned abroad for a bigger pay, he turned it down just so they'd be together. He feared the thought of them being apart. Growing up in such a small family, we've always been intimate as well. I never even had a nanny. Though my dad was busy with work, he would make it a point for us to have quality time together, even if it was just a quiet dinner at home or seeing a movie during the weekend. However, that became less frequent these past few months. Dad would always come home in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes even drunk.

Mom was patient with him, even to the point of her obviously fooling herself, filling her head with lies even though in the back of her mind, she obviously knows the truth. They drifted apart, physically and eventually, emotionally. My dad got detached from the relationship, I guess. Everyday I love you's turned into once a week I miss you's and eventually, I don't know if I love you anymore.

I always catch my mom crying whenever I would visit her. She'd secretly wipe her tears before she faces me, but I would always know, just by looking in her eyes. There's a sadness that is inexplicable. But my mom would always show me that she's strong, and I admire her so much for that. I know how much she wants to get that annulment right after gaining knowledge of the situation, but she fought for my dad, for me. But I want her to be free. I know she still loves him, but the relationship is toxic. It's slowly and painfully killing her.

I'm secretly hoping that Rj and I won't end up like my parents, slowly drifting apart and falling out of love. But I trust my boyfriend, oops! Fiance na nga pala. He just recently proposed, about two weeks ago. I have faith in our relationship. I know how much he loves me, and I love him too. 3 years na kami, going strong. But being the pessimist I am, I can't help but think the worst of the situation, which is wrong I know. Nonetheless, this girl is trying to change. I can't wait for the day when we say 'I do' and start our life together.

Anywho, I'll be seeing Rj in a few. We're gonna watch Parachute tonight and I'm beyond ecstatic. And it'd be nice to spend some quality time with Rj. He's been quite busy these past few days because of his recent promotion, taking a lot of overtime and all. Thankfully, he said he'll be off early so we can grab dinner before the concert. I hope the rain stops, though. Okay, ending my blog entry here. Ciao!

-mainedcm

--

To Rj:
Hey Babe. Where are you?

For the past hour, Maine hads been sending countless texts and calling Rj nonstop. He was's supposed to pick her up in her apartment, so they could grab dinner and then go to the concert but she hasn't heard from him since they last talked this morning when he greeted her "Happy Birthday".

Maine started to worry. This was unlike Rj. Even though he was busy, he would make it a point to leave her a text message, even if it was just a simple 'hello'.

She heard a car pull over the driveway, maybe it's Rj, she thought. She wasn't finished getting ready though, and she knew how much he disliked waiting. Scrambling to the bathroom, she quickly grabbed her make-up kit and put on a natural look.

"Rj? Love? Wait lang ha, sorry. Upo ka muna dyan. Baka nauuhaw ka, meron akong coke sa fridge." She called out to Rj as she heard her front door open, knowing that he has her spare key to her apartment.

Quickly, she dressed up in her favorite white, button down shirt and denim jeans. She put on the white gold necklace Rj gave her for her birthday and spritz his favorite perfume on her. Hearing footsteps towards the bathroom, she hastened her pace, grabbing things she needed on her bathroom counter.

"Love? Sandali na lang. Ready na ko, just have to put on my-" she turned around and looked up at the man standing in front of her. He was tall, heavily built with shoulder length hair dressed up in a black hoodie and jeans.

"S..s..sino ka?" She asked, fear evident in her voice. She didn't recognize him. "Sino ka?"

Taking a few steps back, she asked him again, this time, stiffly. "Sino ka at paano ka nakapasok dito?"

Still no answer. She looked at him dead in the eye and he smirked, eerily. The feeling of uneasiness filled her body, as her heart beat at a faster pace. He walked closer to her, slowly, as she heard his breath grow heavier. She froze for a second, because she didn't exactly know what the man wanted. After a few moments, her thoughts went into overdrive. She needed to think of an escape plan.

Bracing herself, she darted towards the door. With all her strength, she tried to get past the unfamiliar stranger although he was blocking her way. But he was just too strong. He grabbed her by the waist as she screamed her lungs out.

"Hindi mo ko matatakasan, Miss." He tackled her, pushing her against the wall. She hit her head, and fell on the floor. Hovering over her, he pinned her down as he cackled under his breath. "Ang bango, bango mo naman. Sigurado ako magugustuhan mo 'to."