Reflections

Chapter 5

"Let me talk to him, Rj."

"Hindi, Maine. Ayoko." His hands were firmly gripped onto the steering wheel. They were pulled over outside the restaurant where they had lunch, when Maine suddenly asked Rj to drive to the prison where her rapist was locked up.

"Please, Rj. I need this." She pleaded.

"Hindi ko kayang makita kang lumapit doon sa hayop na yun, Maine. At mas lalong hindi ko kayang tingnan ka niya. Ngayon pa lang na iniisip ko yung itsura ng gagong yun, nanggagalaiti na ako. Parang makakapatay ako ng tao." He gritted his teeth as his ears turned red and his face heated up. She held out her hand and placed it on his, intertwining their fingers.

"Rj, kailangan ko siyang makausap. I need closure. At hindi ko yun makukuha by running away. I need to face the person that did this to me."

"Pero delikado, Maine. Baka kung anong gawin at sabihin niya sayo. It's too risky."

"I know. Pero andun ka naman di ba? Sasamahan mo naman ako di ba? Please, love. Hayaan mo na kong gawin to. Kailangan ko to."

"Sige. Pero sa oras na may mali siyang gawin, aalis na tayo. Okay? Hindi ko na kayang makita ka pang masaktan."

--

"Naalala mo pa ba ko?" She asked, he nodded yes. He was sat in front of her, kept quiet by the police as per her request.

She struggled to talk without crying, as the man who molested and raped her was now just a few feet away from her. She did her best to hold her composure while Rj held her hand. Rj was her source of strength and the reason why she kept going with her life even though numerous times she wanted to die.

"Ang tagal na panahon na rin pala yung nakalipas matapos ng lahat ng nangyari. Parang kahapon lang, rinig na rinig ko yung boses mo, damang dama ko yung paghawak mo at alalang alala ko pa rin lahat ng ginawa mo sa akin. Alam mo, hindi ko lubos maisip kung ano yung tumatakbo sa utak mo nung-" She paused, trying her best not to break down right there and then.

"Nung..nung ginagahasa mo ko. Pero alam mo, ayoko nang malaman. Nung nalaman kong nakulong ka na, akala ko makakapante ako. Akala ko makakatulog na ko sa gabi ng mahimbing, dahil alam kong napaparusahan ka na sa lahat ng ginawa mo sa akin. Pero, mali pala ako. Yung bangungot, kaba at takot, andun pa rin kahit pilit kong tinatakasan."

The man rolled his eyes and looked away, the look of disbelief evident in his face. Rj on the other hand was clenching his fist, trying to hold himself back from punching the man. But Maine continued.

"Ang daming gumugulo sa isip ko nung mga panahon na sinusubukan kong ipagpatuloy yung buhay ko matapos ng lahat ng nangyari. Sinisi ko ng sinisi yung sarili ko kasi inisip ko baka nga kasalanan ko kung bakit nagawa mo yun sakin, hanggang sa mapagod ako. At nung napagod ako, dun ko natutunan na magpatawad. Tumingin ka sa akin." The man complied. He looked at her dead in the eye.

"Tutol man ang karamihan sa magiging desisyon ko, pero pinapatawad na kita."

--

"Thank you, Rj."

"For what?"

"For everything. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be able to get through this. Kahit minsan gusto ko nang sumuko, hindi mo ko iniwan."

"Ako nga yung dapat magpasalamat sayo Maine eh."

"Bakit naman?"

"Kasi sa nangyari, pinakita mo sa akin kung gaano ka katatag. And through that you inspired me to be stronger too." He embraced her, letting his big arms wrap around her tiny frame.

"I love you, Maine."

She buried her face in his chest and whispered.

"I love you too, Rj."

She smiled and let out a deep sigh of relief, like a huge weight has been lifted from her shoulders. She never thought it would be possible, but here she was, grinning from ear to ear.

Inside her was a fighter. Yes, what happened to her can also happen to anyone. It's just a matter of choosing how to deal with it. In the end, she didn't let the things that happened to her define who she was. This was only a small chapter of her life and she was able to turn the page.

She finally gained the courage to look at herself in the mirror again. This time, she didn't see a victim. Instead, she saw a survivor.