My Babysitter is...R5?!

Chapter 5

A/N: Omg, I'm soooooo sorry. I don't know if any of you will bother to continue reading my story but if you do, thank you so much, you are amazing! I promise that I will update more from now on, I know I promised you all that before but this time I really mean it.
ANYWAYS, on with the story:

Trigger warning; this chapter has Self-harm and self-hatred in it. Please don't read this if it triggers you in any way. If any of you struggle with it or have any problems I always have an open ear. I won't judge you, I promise. I know what you're going through....

Chapter 5:
Last time:

I let out a sigh and looked at my wrist which helds a lot of scars, why you might ask? Well ask depression..... then I looked at the blade under my pillow and made up my mind

I am going to
do it.
I can't take the pain anymore.
I slowly rolled my selves up further and grabbed the blade.

*cut*

 I watched as the blood rolled down my arm and my saddnes with it.

*cut*

Another one.

 The crimson red blood runs down my arm and drops down on my white bed sheet.

I know that I should stop, maybe even ask for help but I can't. A part of me doesn't want to stop, doesn't want to seem weak by asking for help but another part of me wants to stop, wants help and wants to finally be happy.

But even if tell someone, who can I tell?

I can't tell Luzy, sure she's a good friend but not for things like this. She's the one to go for clothes advice, Boys advice and Party's but not for things like this.

I obviously can't tell my parents, they are always away and don't really give a damn about me, they will probably think that I just want attention or something. And on top of that I'd break their hard and they would blame themselves again and say they are bad parents...I can't do that to them again.

My Babysitters aka R5? No, they already think I'm a brat, they don't need to think that I'm an attention seeking freak and an even bigger bother too, no.

So, cutting is my solutions.

*Cut*

This time I let out a sob.

 I don't want this life. 

I don't want to be this broken rebellious teenager that everyone thinks of either as a freak or an bitch.

 I just want to be Kelly, a normal girl who is loved. I wanna be loved. For once in my life I want someone to care about me, to love me, to hold me tight and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

 But that will never happen. 

'Yeah, who could love somebody as worthless as me?' I though bitterly and with that I made three more cuts before rolling my selves back down and crying myself to sleep.

A/N: Again, I'm really sorry for not updating sooner. I'm sorry that this chapter is so short and crappy but it's 10:30 pm right now and I have school tommorrow. Anyways, summer break start in a week, so I'll have a lot of time to update then :))