* Diary Entry #1 *
I woke up crying again.....I dont know why im writing this...My therapist says i have to keep entry on what i feel/think. I guess my mom does too.. I mean since i tried to kill myself they are keeping an close eye on me...I wish they would of cared when i was starting to get depressed and before i started cutting...I mean noones cared before....I guess my depression started when my brother died....its all my fault...i could've helped him...Mary (My therapist) says i shouldnt blame myself for His death...Why not?
------------------*Michaela's P.O.V*------------------
*beep beep*
Text from : Zack : Hey ...How Have You been?
My Hands tremble at the text sent from my once boyfriend....we grew very distant , i felt like he never wanted to talk to me anymore..he has been my best friend since kindergarten. it took forever for me to build my trust wall and finally when i let him in , he never seemed to be intrested in me..i feel like everytime i date guys i get used.
I Think one of the worst feelings is when you sadly come to realization that your slowly drifting apart with the one you love the most and you're dying of the huge truth thats hit you acrossed the face. thats waken you up to acknowledge your losing the one you always thought you would be with forever
And it wounds you, it eats you, it haunts you to know that you relationship is in jeopardy and sadly you know you cant do anything to stop it from falling apart.when you see your loved one isnt even putting up an effort to reattach back the friendship it was before.
So it can live on and create more beautiful moments that you both can cherish in heart and in mind all over again. It sucks , it hurts really , how can you let go of someone you've grown so attached to that you're afraid of change without them there in your life? I finally found some courage to text him back
Michaela: ...Hey...
Zack: Can we talk? not on the phone or through text? like in person?
Oh my god, I cant do this , i know ill break down. i have to . if i dont ill ruin this friendship we managed to keep...dont fuck it up Michaela
Michaela: uh...Sure? When and Where??...
i trembled.. what if hes just joking, what if he is infront of his new girlfriend laughing about how dorky my text is? im so fucked up; i can never feel good about myself or the way i look. im becoming more antisocial by the hours.its so hard to go outside or even wake up in the morning. its a struggle to get out of my bed. i dont know how i manage to keep my 4.0 G.P.A . minutes later i hear the quiet sound of my phone vibrating....oh god .
