I need you here, (I need a friend) {Brustoff}

Chapter 16

Denis POV

The Moment I wake up, I immediately notice a headache that's telling me I'm hungover.

My first thought is: Mom wouldn't be proud.

My second thought then is: Fuck mom.

Well no, not fuck mom but fuck her opinion. 

She just likes her perfect boy. I don't think she would still accept me if she knew that I'm gay.

Wait. Did I just refer to myself as gay? 

Fuck.

Am I really gay?

"Morning Denis" I hear Matt say "You want some pain killers?"

"I could just continue to drink, I wouldn't have to think this way"

"Oh, wow. What are those thoughts you don't want to think though, if you want to tell me, though?" 

"Did I say that out loud?" I ask him wide-eyed as soon as the realisation hits me. 

Matt lays down and crawls under his blanket again, turning to face me before saying "Yeah".

"Oops."

Do I want to tell him?

He shouldn't be homophobic... and he is my closest friend, so I guess I should tell him.

"I want to stop questioning my sexuality. It's just so fucking confusing." I then tell him and cover my blushing face with my, well Matt's blanket but it is a different one that he is using right now.

"I always knew I'm gay, I never really had to question it, so I don't really know If I can help you"

I can literally hear the frown on his face in his voice and remove the blanket from my eyes to see that it really is visible on his face.

"I'm sorry" He then adds. "I can try if you want to. I'm also here to listen if you wanna talk".

I guess I'm talking about it, then.

"So I always avoided thinking about my sexuality because it would always end with me, asking myself if I'm straight or not and I wouldn't find an answer. Since we moved here you're my first 'real life'-friend and I never really had a crush. I told myself that even straight people can tell if someone with the same gender is pretty, to validate my own straightness but I think I've started crushing on Ben and I can't pretend I'm completely straight anymore. I mean, I could be bi or heteroflexible or something like that for all I know but I also could be gay and it's kind of really bothering me right now that I just don't know. I don't even know if I'm really crushing on Ben and everything just fucks me up." By the end of this monologue, I don't even feel uncomfortable talking with Matt about it anymore, it actually felt nice getting all this off my chest.

Matt seems to think for a little moment before he speaks again: "I think I kinda get what you're saying and you definitely need to chill. I mean, you're 16 years old (A/N I hope I mentioned that before now? s: ) and you don't need to label yourself just now. Hell, no one needs to label themselves at all. Just take your time, don't stress out over this and you'll eventually find an answer or get comfortable with yourself. But I need you to be careful with Ben because he - well - he 'doesn't do feelings' as he says it and I don't want your heart to get broken. So, be careful with feelings towards Ben."

Too late. 

__________

A/N

I know I was terrible with updates but I've been figuring out some stuff and hopefully, I'm able to write as much as I used to, again. 

Hope this was worth the wait, though.

3am and kinda tired so excuse me if my grammar or writing, in general, is worse than ever.