Deception

Chapter 14

69 days before (continued)

His eyes were closed as his fingers traced their path on my back lightly. The closeness I felt to him dissipated, turning into an uncomfortable silence.

"What?" I managed to squeak out, trying to find the quickest path from my bed to the door.

"I love you." he smiled, still not opening his eyes. My heart raced and the once safe atmosphere of the covers became too hot and I felt trapped.

Yes. Trapped.

That's what he was doing. He was trapping me. Trapping me in the illusion of teenage love. Forcing me to love someone I could not. I was ready to bolt from my own house. I was trapped. I couldn't kiss him to dismiss the topic. I couldn't leave him in my bed. But I could not, absolutely could not tell him I loved him too. No matter how many years I had worked on my talent to lie, to weasel my way out the the most difficult of situations, I refused to tell him I love him. I would not allow myself to be caught in the dark, endless, repeating cycle of heartbreak, tears, and meaningless sex called love. Not now, not ever.

"Mhm." I curled up in my own separate ball, bringing my knees in between us. His hands slipped from my back, now tracing the curve of my hips. The movement of his fingers slowed as his breath became shallow. I should've known this was his motive. I had forgotten he is not Harry or Louis who would do anything for any reason. Niall thought this meant that I loved him and as much as I'd hate for it to be untrue, it was. His hand rested in the small of my back, rubbing tiny circles.

"Should I go?" His eyes still didn't open. I nodded, standing from the bed. I pulled on my shirt and a pair of shorts and walked him to the door. Without even a goodbye kiss, for which I was grateful, he practically ran to his car. I waited until the roar of the engine had faded off down the road before going back up to my room.

"What are you doing here?" I stopped in the doorway of my room, staring at Liam sitting on my bed.

"Don't you think you're taking this dare a bit too far?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb. You fucking screamed. I've lived with roommates for long enough to know what that means." A smile tugged at the sides of his mouth. I rolled my eyes.

"And?"

"You literally have to leave him in two months and things are going...fast."

"Point being?" I motioned for him to go on. I knew he was right but I wouldn't admit that to him just yet.

"And you let him leave so early?" He stood from the bed.

"It was bound to happen. I couldn't let him stay." I didn't have to look up to tell that he was only a few feet away from me.

"Don't you love him at all?" I immediately felt sick at the mention of love. His words repeated in my head. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

I opened my mouth to answer but I couldn't. He looked disappointed in me as it is.

"So it's a no?" his eyes narrowed at me, a frown replacing the smile on his face from just moments ago.

"No...well...I don't have to explain this to you! You wouldn't understand anyway." I didn't understand it myself. I needed him in a way I hadn't known could exist. His touch thrilled me, whether it was his fingers thrusting inside of me or just holding my hand. But love would go too far. Love would cross a line into some cage where I would be forced to devote myself to one person forever. I was only 17. I did not know love. I could not feel it. I didn't love Niall, I just loved who he was. I shook my head, hoping to clear the confusion swirling inside of it.