The Little Things

Surreal Pain

(My own thoughts and words,what's going through my mind right now.)
It hurts, oh god it hurts so much to witness others who are truly in love when you know that no one can ever be that way with you.
It hurts to see people so confident about them selfs even if its just looking in the mirror or posting a selfie, cause I look in the mirror and I see an endless list of flaws and reasons that prove my parents are correct (adoption parents and birth parents), that nobody could ever or will ever love me, I don't even love myself.
Depression has taken its toll on me and reality has finally hit me hard, I have given up the fight.
Bracelets and makeup have become my best friends to try and cover my face I so despise and and the bracelets that cover the scars I so try to hide. I wear baggy shirts to hide my fat body, just cause you can see a few bones means nothing I still am over weight, I can no longer feel any emotion but sadness and not even the pain my blade bring for those few seconds, getting my mind off of everything else do I feel any relief. And when people ask why I wear so many bracelets on my arms I answer with a riddle few seem to decipher though only cause they don't care but I can't really blame them I don't either.
(The riddle)
"Because I like to color with shiny silver and watch as it turn crimson red, its magic!" .......Do you know the answer? Do you even care?

• // (I am in no way trying to glamorize self harm and anorexia or depression, these are simply things I suffer from. I am not looking for attention I just thought if I wrote out what going through my mind maybe the demons would go away, although this is no where near as bad as most thoughts going throughout my mind I hope I don't trigger any others who happen to read this, if any read this at all.)\\•