South Train

Is it Controllable?

It has been a long time since I rode the train. I think the last time I rode the South Train was a couple summers before Grandpa passed. It was a calming feeling, the South Train. Once you're on, there is no getting off. You are forced to sit there and enjoy the simple peace that comes with the gentle rock and the angelic hum of the track below you, until you decide to hop off on one of their stops. My house was far out of the city and I wanted to use the train as far as I could before it stopped going my direction. Staring out the window I saw a forest, lush and green, passing by with a fuzzy, beautiful wave. I stared at it with inattentive eyes, until we zoomed into a dark tunnel. My eyes quickly adjusted and I jumped with the sight of darkness. I forgot all about the tunnels. I was never a fan of them. Not strictly because of the fact that it could crumble on top of our heads at any moment, but because of the sudden terror-strickening darkness that comes up out of nowhere to petrify you. I quickly closed my eyes. I would rather endure my own darkness than have to deal with the darkness around me.
I would rather endure my own darkness than deal with the darkness around me.
I shot up in my booth with a short gasp. There was no one around to see my external show of internal tête-à-tête. I sat still contemplating my fear of darkness. Why did I hate the dark? What did I fear was in the dark? Since I was a child there has always been "monsters" in the darkness. I guess that's why I just simply accumulated a bad connotation with darkness, but that still doesn't explain why I closed my eyes. Why was my natural reaction to close my eyes? If I am as scared of the dark as I say I am, why am I not afraid of my own darkness? Well, to be honest. I think I still am. How many times can you say you haven't been afraid that you were going to get stabbed and brutally murdered in the shower when you closed your eyes to rinse the soap off your face?
If this is so, then why do we find that it is easier to deal with our own darkness rather than just deal with our problems straight on? Why is it easier to deal with our issues alone rather than ask people for help? Why do humans insist on being prideful and not allowing others to help them when they are in need? I guess it's a natural response of pride and I guess that works out for them to a point, but sometimes it's not worth getting buried in your own problem rather than just asking someone to help you. For example, if you were bed ridden and you couldn't move, but you needed the light turned on in your room, but you couldn't reach it what would you do? Well, most people would ask someone to help them, but what if you hadn't? Would you have gotten up from your lying position and tried sitting up in your bed? Well that could have taken almost all of your energy just to do that simple task. Then you have to get to the light switch in your room that just happens to be all the way on the other side of the room. Is it even worth it to you to go and turn it on? Maybe you chose no. Now you are lightless and out of energy. The simple solution to this problem from the beginning would have been just to ask someone who was willing and able to do it for you. You would have had energy and a light. You needed that light for something, right? Well, now you can do that task with the energy you saved by asking someone else to help you with your issue.