Back To Square One Again.

Back to square one again...

So much pain pushed to the side. 

So much trust needed for the ride. 

Just enough to make it through the tide.

You thought it was the best decision to help yourself thrive...

You picked me up just to push me down

So much love turned into a frown.

So much pride turned into a crown.

Heart so empty, its like a ghost town

We did this once, i know this for sure

But twice? I know i was warned about this before, by words of wisdom that seemed so pure. 

Heart so broken there is no cure. 

Shattered like glass. But still no sound. 

Not a single sign of sanity is left to be found. 

And through the cries and tears I shed at night

The ones so solemn that cause me fright.

As I think about the things you do to keep your height. 

the cries I weep in order to write. 

Back to square one again with anxiety and attacks. 

No one will assume the horrific scenes I will act. 

But surely to you there will be no impact. 

For you are the reason of my heart being cracked. 

For you were not there when I was shattered to pieces. You only spoke over a text, which only made stress increases.

Back to square one again, back to only Being strangers. 

Heart so broken, it seems my life could be in danger. 

Up all night, putting up a fight. 

With the voices in my head that try to convince me that im dead 

The thought of me being insufficient still freshly imbedded 

The daydreams I had of us, when older to be wedded.

 

I got ahead of myself way too soon.I slipped into your trap as you fed me from a silver spoon. 

The feeling of heart break I thought I was already immune. 

And when I try to sing my own song I can't seem to find my tune. 

And you and I together fell apart so soon

And...

Back to square one again... Nothing left to say. Just another heart broken girl before her birthday. 

Did you remember? I'm sure you did. 

You have always been so keen with dates. You have always outdid. 

You say that your sorry. But what am I supposed to believe?

Words so sharp they make me bleed. You used a middle man to insure your deed.  

You never told me with your own words that you were leaving. You made excuses for your facade which makes you look deceiving. 

Back to square one again as the tears continue to flow. My heart is tied up in a knot and its not letting go. 

I told you I wouldn't give up no matter how long it took. Seems to me that you have me as bait on a hook. And I tell you this because I love you, and I made sure you knew.

I never went a day without telling you. And that I made sure of, from the sacrifice I made to you. 

Back to square one again. And I feel as though all is said and done. I miss you so much might as well give me a gun.

I begged for you to talk to me as soon as I knew, that you wanted to leave me for a reason you thought I never had a clue.

Back to square one again...

So much pain pushed to the side. 

So much trust needed for our ride. 

Just enough to make it through the tide.

You thought it was the best decision to help yourself thrive. 

We did this once, I know this for sure

But twice? I know I was warned about this before, by words of wisdom that seemed so pure. 

Heart so broken there is no cure. 

Shattered like glass. But still no sound. 

Not a single sign of sanity is left to be found. 

Back to square one again, nothing left to be found... Just a heart broken girl wishing you were still around. 

What ever happens, happens is one of the things you once said. But now you will know what goes on in my head. 

Back to square one. 💔