I'm not a girl

Day 2:

Dan's Pov

I sat in Louise's room with the blue eyed boy longer than I thought as Louise walked in and told us to get out because she had to change into some appropriate clothes.

~

We got downstairs and went into the main room to wait for Louise. I sat in the corner of the couch as Phil sat next to me.
"So how are you?" Phil suddenly asked after about five minutes of silence.
"I'm okay and you?" I politely reply to his question. "I'm alright." He states while staring at me. I shift uncomfortably under his gaze when Louise walks in the room "what did I miss?" She asks calmly as she runs her fingers through her hair. "Not too much just us talking. So what's up?" I ask nonchalantly. Louise nods while speaking "not a whole lot just gonna run to the shop to grab some tea because I ran out yesterday." She gives me a reassuring nod "okay." Phil and I say in unison. She laughs lightly as she picks up her keys and opens the front door and exits the house , I hear the lock click. "So...?" I say awkwardly trying not to seem shy and awkward even though I'm both of those things. "So?" He repeats sighing "why are you not at your house Dan?" I stiffen at the sound of the word house "um- my mum and I got in an argument over my hair because I cut it yesterday and uh- she just hates me because um- I just can't explain why right now... There's nothing against you or anything but I just- I will tell you one day okay? So please don't hate me?" I say in a rush; tears dwelling in my eyes just awaiting to hear him say he hates me and never wants to talk to me again. His words shocked me as well as his actions; he took my hand and hesitated to say " I will never hate someone as beautiful as you are Dan." I shook my head in disbelief as I let the tear fall. I've never been called beautiful before I've always been called things like:Slut, Fat, Stupid,
Ugly, Not enough,
Attention whore, Bitch
Shame to society And a Girl,
This list can go on for days but I've never heard the word beautiful used towards me. Phil gave my hand a reassuring squeeze as another tear fell down my face.

~

I have chosen to leave Louise's house today to go home. I'm currently writing in my note book.

I've told myself a house is not a home.
Home is where you feel like you belong as if you could do no wrong in this place.
I have no home around; no one to stick by me; no one who actually cares.

No One who believes in me.

A house is just a building, A home is where your heart belongs. Home is where you should feel safe and not weary of the people around.
I have no faith in myself so how can others have faith in me?
This is my unanswered question, what's yours?

I shook the thoughts out of my head as I put my note book away deciding to shower.
As I showered, I spot an unopened razor. I grab it and pull the plastic protection cover off and throw the razor against the shower wall.
.It breaks.
I grab the one of the blades and pulled it up toward my wrist.
.Death's The Answer.
I repeat to myself as I make three cuts across my pale wrist.

~~~~~
A/N
Word count: 641

Hey lovelies,
I'm having issues focusing so the next few chapters of this book will take a little longer to update this book . sorry.
Thoughts on dan
Self-Harming? Dan not being honest with Phil?
Anyways, I can't focus on my stories as I am going to see Tyler Shaw live on Friday so excited!
Anyways,
Love you all xoxoxo
~Maddison