Trainwreck (Camren)

3. Waking

flashbacks are in italics. another slight trigger warning

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"Lauren!"

Her voice seems closer than before. It's as if the tighter the hold the louder she screams. I can't seem to move, only clenching my fists harder, holding the body down and away from me. I need to get out of here.

"Lauren, please stop!"

My eyes are focused and unmoving. I can barely make out the face beneath me but they show no emotion. And then the screams get louder, directly in front of me.

And suddenly I'm shaking, like someone is grabbing my shoulders and violently yanking me back and forth. I finally blink. Everything is dark.

I blink again. Camila's crying somewhere.

I blink twice, shaking my head. Camila is directly underneath me, eyes wide, my hands wrapped around her throat. I let go and fly back faster than I have ever moved in my life, like I've been burned.

"What the hell was that?!" She's staring at me, rubbing the sore spot on her neck, and I have never seen her so frightened.

I'm breathing hard as I move closer to her on the bed and she flinches, pulling away as I reach out. There are tears in her eyes and I can't find the strength to say anything. The look on her face is worse than I could ever imagine.

I let out another shaky breath and hold my hands up, a quiet surrender. I don't know what else to do.

She's still crying, covering her mouth but gasping for air. I think she's having a panic attack. And I think me being so close to her is making it worse. But I can't bring myself to move or get away from her.

"Camila," I say, my own voice cracking instantaneously. I don't even recognize the small, broken girl speaking. "I..."

I try to speak through my own tears, pooling in my eyes but refusing to fall.

"I'm sorry. Camz, I'm so sorry." She's still shaking before me, but her breathing is a little more normal now. And she takes a moment or two to calm down. It takes everything in me not to get closer.

"It's okay," she says, surprising me. And my eyes widen at her words.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what was happening. I don't know what happened, Camila I'm so sorry, I-"

"Lauren, it's okay. I'm fine."

"No you're not, look at you! Oh God," I say, more to myself, and run my hands through my hair desperately trying to grasp a hold of the situation.

I cannot believe what I have just done. Her neck already looks like it's starting to bruise. The red marks are making me sick to my stomach.

"Oh my God..."

"Lauren-"

"My own wife is afraid of me even touching her. I didn't mean it, I swear, I just..." I stutter out, choking on the air I'm so desperately trying to breathe in.

I bury my face in my hands. I nearly wince when I feel Camila's hands on my cheeks, pulling me up to look at her.

"It was just a dream; I know you didn't mean it," she tries to tell me but it's hard to believe her when her voice is so hoarse. I shake my head, ignoring the tears that are begging to fall. "Hey, look at me. I'm okay."