Dear Calamity,

Entry five

Dear Diary,

You have no idea... Just, I can't even explain what happened today. I don't know. Do you know how unbelievably frustrating it is to not be able to articulate how you are feeling? Negativity. Of course that would be my reason right? I wasn't feeling my best. Stress was and still is piling up to the point where I am afraid to go near water. Why am I afraid to go near water you ask? Well, I am drowning in a sea of anxiety and I don't need anything else to drown in. Especially his eyes. Where that came from, I don't even know. My Negativity has been the only thing that has made this week bearable. With the current abandonment of my "friends" he is the only one that has been... *grinds teeth* willing to stay. Really Negativity, if you are somehow reading this, I guess I should say thanks. It means more than I let it on to be.

That's all for today. I hope you enjoyed daily double day.

So long, and goodnight.

~RNOA

I don't know. Those three stupid words were repeating themselves over and over in my mind ever since yesterday. I don't know.

I rolled over and looked out the window. The once dark sky was. Now turning a dark shade of grey. It was still raining. Infact, it hadn't stopped since we were halfway done with the trail yesterday. Yesterday. I shook my head. I had to put my thoughts somewhere else. I couldn't think of him whenever I thought about anything. Once a day was a lot, but every damn second!? Now we have a problem. It's because he is your only friend. I thought to myself. If that was the case then why was that making me even more pissed off? I glanced over at my clock. 4:51 a.m. I should get some sleep. Maybe I should write? Okay, just try closing your eyes. No need to think. Just sleep.

Him.

My eyes shot open. My pulse sped up. His smile. The time; 4:52 a.m.

"I'm done." I said sitting up quickly and pulling the off blankets. I changed into pair of jeans and a t-shirt before going into my bathroom to brush my teeth. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and stuck a highlighter and a pen in it. I grabbed my phone and keys (which conveniently had my headphones entangled in them), the script, and my english notebook. I took one look around the house to make sure that none of my family had woken up in my debacle to escape. Of course, it was silent. I swung the door open and stepped out into the early morning air. I made sure to shut the door quietly as to not increase my chances of waking everyone up. I walked down the front walk to my car where I had no fear of making anymore noise. Because of the rain, there would be no need to wipe down or scrape my windows. I could just get started on my way to clearing my mind.

As soon as I started up my car, I threw her into reverse and began backing up. I didn't bother plugging my phone into the aux cord. The risk of hitting a triggering song was too great. I pulled away from my driveway and began driving swiftly through my neighborhood. I didn't go far of course. I went to my favorite park because I knew that no one would be there. It's a broken down wooden park that had lost its luster after the new plastic park had been installed. It was still a good park, one that I had grown up on.

It was still raining by the time I arrived in the parking lot. I should have brought an umbrella. That was bad thinking on my part. I shoved my notebook and script under my shirt and got out of the car. I ran towards the looming wooden pavilion located a few feet away from the playground. It only contained two beat up, vandalized benches. Only one of them was actually sturdy enough to work on.

As I entered under the safe cover of the pavilion, I began to removed the books from under my shirt and set them down on the table. My thin shirt didn't do very much to protect my notebook. Infact, the short run from my car to the pavilion managed to soak me through and through. Perfect, this weather just reassures me that no one will show up.