One shots

Another story! *sarcasm*

I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire
Exhale desire
I know it's dire
My time today

I'm forced to deal with what I feel
There is no distraction to mask what is real
I could pull the steering wheel

The words float around in my head as I'm walking home. I could pull the steering wheel, but the question is do I want to?
No. Not yet. Not now. Maybe after I finish Uni. After I get my masters. After I have a life. Only then, when I can't take it anymore, I will pull the steering wheel.

The night air is brisk and the sky is glittering with tiny little lights. Everyone I see is with their partners having a fun Friday night. Some are with their families celebrating this wonderful time of year. Well, wonderful for most people except for me. Every pub, club or restaurant I walk past everyone is smiling. There is Christmas party inside one of the pubs. They are now drawing the winner of the worst Christmas jumper. Oh, now I wish I had colleagues like that. Or at least people who worry about me, even if it is the slightest amount. Although I push people away, no one is strong enough to break through or climb the wall I've built up for all theses years. They aren't willing to help me either. Therefore, my only way out of my mind is music. And the only thing keeping me alive is my idols. Everyone who has produced, written, sung or composed any one of my favourite songs has saved my life in more ways then one. They also have convinced me not to end it or end it later, so I know for sure that it I'll turn out happy. I've promised myself that by the time I'm 40, if I'm not happy or don't have people breaking those walls and helping me, I'm going. I'll say goodbye to everyone that never cared about me and leave. Just like that. Poof. One minute I'll be alive and happy (or so they think), the next gone. Just like the wind. Just like every friend I've ever had. Just like my parents. Gone. The only real support I had left were the people who never knew I existed. Until one day, they did. That one fateful day that I met the men of my dreams. The one day I actually wanted to live after my parents had gone and left me here alone. In this big, wide, scared world, that we all call home.

A/n I'm also sorry that some of the names are the same and as you might be able to guess... I want to be a forensic anthropologist.