À se damner. [Z.M]

Journal entry one. Je ne comprends pas.

July 1st, 2016.

Do you enjoy the fact that I am hurting? Do you enjoy how my thoughts are always about you and where you could possibly be at eleven o'clock at night or questioning if you are really ever at work like you say? Do you like the fact that I sit at home, cooking and cleaning, taking care of your kids so you can do things single men would usually do? Do you like the fact you know that when I say I love you and you give the response "You too" it only adds more mess to my fucked up days? Do you know this?

Do you know how badly you're hurting me?

Maman tells me I deserve better and every time she says it I always say he still loves me. Even though I can't see her through the phone I know she has a disappointed look on her face which is oh so similar to my own. Maman tells me that each time I try to defend you, even when I know you are wrong, that the pain I am going through is a pain she cannot fix. The hurt you carry is too deep inside, I can't pull it out, Aya. Only you can do that. But can I really though? Will I ever be able to walk away from you?

I don't understand how that's possible...

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[A/N: I've had writer's block for an entire year and I'm still struggling through it. Don't know if I'm back yet because I'm still super busy with other things but I'll try my hardest to at least update once a month. As you can see Aya is hurting, the pain in her speech should be very clear and evident. What are your thoughts and predictions so far? I've only given you a little to work with so I'd love to know. - Z. 🍒]