Bakit ba palagi nalang ganito? Bakit palagi nalang nilang pinaparamdam sa akin na wala akong kwenta? Bakit sa tuwing ipinagtatanggol ko ang sarili ko, walang naniniwala?
Even him, the man who promised to protect and love me till the end, choose to turn his back on me. The moments we had, the memories we shared, nawala nalang na parang bula. He was my everything, he claims the same, pero bakit di niya magawang maniwala sa akin?
It’s been 2 weeks ng talikuran ako ni Ji, naniwala siya sa mga paratang ng mga walang magawa naming mga kaklase. Ji and I used to be a perfect couple, praised by many, hated by some. Maraming nagsasabing nakakainggit daw kami at ingatan daw namin yung kung ano mang meron kami kasi ‘dream relationship’ raw yung relasyon namin. We just smiled whenever nakakarinig kami ng mga ganoong komento, who wouldn’t be?
But just like what I said earlier, nasira yun 2 weeks ago. Somebody - err some people destroyed it. I will not bother to tell you how, nothing will change anyway. Last 14 days, it felt like I’m living in hell, just complete darkness. Parang nawala ako sa sarili ko, I’m doing my daily routine, pero parang I’m just doing it because I have to do it. Alam niyo yon? Yung tipong ginagawa mo nalang yung isang bagay kasi kailangan mo yung gawin, no ‘buts’ and no ‘why’.
I grab my cell phone and tried my luck once again. But guest I don’t have any luck at all. He’s just rejecting my calls, and I bet if he reads my text messages. See why it hurts me most? He didn’t even bother to hear my side.
Lumabas ako ng bahay, honestly, di ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Sumakay ako ng kotse na hindi man lang pinasadahan ng tingin ang suot ko, maybe I’m still wearing my PJs, but who cares?
Nagdrive lang ako nang nagdrive hanggang mapansin ko nalang na nasa harap na ako ng bahay nina Ji. I don’t know what I should do, I just let myself watch their house. Alam ko, kahit ilang ulit akong magmaka-awa sa kanyang makinig sakin di niya ako pakikinggan.
Suddenly biglang bumukas ang gate nila, at lumabas si Ji. Should I get this chance to talk to him? I don’t know. Gusto kung magpaliwanag sa kaniya, magmakaawa, but I think I couldn’t take another rejection. My mind and my heart, both were commanding me to do opposite things, my mind says that I have to leave now, but my heart says that I should talk to him. Naguguluhan ako, seems it is now or never.
In the end, I obeyed my heart. I unbuckled my seatbelt and was supposed to go out of the car when I saw a girl just behind him. Kilala ako ng pamilya nya, at kilala ko rin halos lahat ng kapamilya niya, that made me sure that she is not their relative. A voice inside my head says that I really should go now, but I simply can’t.
Parang napako ako sa kinauupuan ko, lost all my senses, eyes wide open. Please Ji, don’t do this to me, I silently prayed. God, please help me. Parang sinaksak ako ng ilang beses sa dibdib ng makitang bahagyang yumuko si Ji, will he kiss the girl? I don’t know, pero ansakit, ansakit sakit!!! Call me a sadist, I don’t care. I slowly walk towards them, nanlalabo na yung mga mata ko.
Ji, why? Alam kong nasaktan ka, pero bakit di ka muna nagtanong sakin kung totoo nga yung nakita mo?? Bakit kailangan pa ng ganito? I lost my breath ng makitang hinalikan niya yung girl sa labi, by that time, I was just few inches away from them. Ji, masyado ka bang galit sa akin na di mo man lang naramdaman ang presence ko?
“J-Ji?” I murmured between my sobs.
Di ko alam kung matatawa o hahagulhol ako ng makita ko yung mukha niya. He looks shock, oh yeah? Why will he be? Bakit siya magugulat kung makita man niya akong nakatigin sa kanya habang may kahalikan siya?
“Look whose here, it’s your flirt ex-girlfriend Ji” the girl said in a mocking tone while looking at me from head to toe.
“Ji, why?” nanghihinang tanong ko sa kaniya. He seems confuse, which make me bleed more.
“S-Shae ~~~”
“I know you’re angry at me... I know you’re hurt..... but why did you do this? Sana man lang pinakinggan mo muna ang paliwanag ko before you drag somebody to kiss infront of me” walang buhay kong putol sa sasabihin niya. Napayuko nalang siya.
“But, unlike you, I demand for an explanation Ji.” Looks like I’m really being a sadist here. BUT I DON’T CARE!!! This guy.... this guy with a confuse face.... though he hurt me... I LOVE THIS GUY SO MUCH!!!!
“Shae... sorry, but I think I don’t love you anymore” he slowly said.
Those words, words I don’t want to hear especially coming from him, from the man I love. Akala ko I’m already dead, that I’m already in hell, but after he said those painful words parang pinatay ako ulit. Feels like I am being stab to death, I can’t almost catch my breath.
Just like that? After so many years of having an-almost-perfect relationship with him, he’ll just say he fall out of love? Di ko alam kung ano ang iisipin ko, I’m trying my best to justify his reason. Pero ang gulo!! Di ko magawang intindihin!!
I just smiled bitterly while looking through his eyes. I can’t even see a hint of care from those loving eyes that used to have full of love for me. WHY?? Bakit kami nagkaganito? Saan ba ako nagkulang? What have I done kaya na fall out of love siya? WHY???
“Thank You” nanghihinang sabi ko. Di ko alam kung bakit ko nasabi ang mga katagang yan, but my heart condemn me for saying those words.
“Shae..... ” naguguluhang sambit niya. Maybe he’s wondering why thank you. Me myself don’t even know why.
“Thank you for hurting me Ji” I said between my sobs as I slowly turn my back and step away from that place.
Honestly, gusto kong magwala, gusto kong sumigaw, gusto kong pumatay!!! Pero, why should I? maibabalik ba nun yung perpektong relasyon namin ni JI? Gosh!! Do I sound pathetic? Yeah I know right!
Pero ansakit ko eh, I love him. I love him so much that I can’t bear not to hear his voice again. I love him that I can’t bear not to see his face. And now, iniisip ko pa lang na we’re over, kills me to death. We ended just like that, now, we’re GAME OVER.
I know, niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko pag sinabi kong madali ko siyang makakalimutan. Baka nga never ko siyang makakalimutan, but I hope I’ll find my real prince charming.
Love may hurt me now, causing my heart to bleed. But I know that someday, somewhere, with the real one in the right time, love will heal me up and let me cherish my life. And by that time, that ONE will forever be my prince. ><
_KKeut_
