The Proud Fatso

I'D LIKE TO THANK MCKENZISCARLETT FOR MAKING ME A BANNER! CHECK HER OUT.

UPDATE (2014): GUYS LISTEN, I WROTE THIS STORY LIKE 2 YEARS AGO? I'VE MATURED  AND CHANGED SINCE THEN. 

P.S. I KNOW IT'S 2014 BUT THIS CHAPTER IS STILL UNEDITED. SO I RECOMMEND GETTING A TRAMPOLINE AND JUST JUMP OVER THE MISTAKES.

Yes, I'm a couple of pounds heavier than the average person. But why do people feel the need to look at me like I'm that gum they accidentally touched under their god damn tables? If I was really the scum of the freaking earth I would've sat on their faces. See if they could have said anything then.

People were giving me the look (you know, the you're a disgusting whale look) while I was making my way to the cafeteria. Great. Whatever, scums. I'm 5'6, a hundred-eighty-pound-glory and am proud. Suck my non-existent dick bitches.

I felt an arm drape around me, and instantly, I knew who it was. I'd know that laundry detergent soap scent anywhere. Plus, who else would put their arm around me? Garrett.

"Hey, Gar-raaar, Gar-beeeear, Gar-pooo, Gar-gar, gar-my-man!" Okay, I admit to having a lot of nicknames for Garrett, but I have the right because we're bffs. We've been best-friends only for like a year more or less, but we're pretty tight. I'm a talkative person and I chatted his ear off when we became seatmates in Math class. Of course, him being the male embodiment of arrogant, better-than-thou, don't-talk-to-me, you-are-not-worthy asshole, all he did was nod every time I talked to him. 

I talked, and talked, and sometimes I would repeat something I've already said. But what comes with me being talkative, is me being a good listener as well. Eventually, Garrett softened up to chatterbox Amy, told me all his personal business and since then, we've became the best of friends.

But then something had to go wrong. You know that saying? The one about a girl and a boy and how they can never be just friends? Well, whoopy-doo! Apparently that's right! Because low and behold I fell for Garrett White! Cheers! The hot, fawn-over-worthy-Garrett. And even if he doesn't say so, I know, he digs (er, likes, I'm sorry that I talk like a hip mom) not overweight girls.

Another problem is that Garrett has a lovely girlfriend. Not just in the looks department, but also in the brains. Her card's full of A's. She cares about endangered pandas and people's insensitivity to cockroaches (don't ask). She also has never made a rude remark about my weight. Me, being the reasonable person I am, have no reason to dislike her. Yay!

"So Ames, my mom says she wants us over. She's cooking----" He was interrupted by my phone ringing.

"I'M A BARBIE GUUUURLL IN A BARBIEEE WOOOOOOOOOORLD LIFE'S FANTAAAAASTIC BLAH BLAH BLOOOH." Yes, that's my ringtone. Stop picking on me.

Garrett looked over at me, smiled and shook his head. Like he wasn't expecting anything less. "Shut your trap, Garret," I said, playfully glaring at him.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey, is this Ames?"

"What do you think?" I rolled my eyes. Some people are beyond dumb. The person called my phone. she should know who I am."Yeah, yeah, it's Ames."

"What's got your panties in a twist, you hoe?" Ohmygadiitsmymom! "You didn't get any action today, I presume?" uhm? 

"MOOOOOOM, WHAT THE FREAK'S WRONG WITH YOU? PLEASE BE NORMAL EVEN JUST SOMETIMES OKAY!"

"Fine, whatever. But you know, just fucking do Garrett in the supply closet already." I'm so sorry. Though not yet diagnosed, I'm sure my mom's mentally insane. Or she's just in a diet coke only fast again.

"EW MOOOOOOM." I rubbed my face. "You're not supposed to say that to me! You're supposed to say, 'no sex until you're 45, dear Amy.' "

"No way, jose! I want you to have children as soon as possible. I ain't letting you live in the basement till ya 30. Even if your father lived that way before he met me." I hear water splashing through the phone. "And anyway, Garret's sooo hot! I wanna lick his abs. I didn't raise you to be so fucking picky." 

"MOM, WHAT THE HECK?" I sigh to myself. "You do not want to lick Garret's abs okay!" I whisper so Garret won't hear. "AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST----" More splashing water noise through the phone. "Ugh never mind, Ma. Please just tell me why you called!"

"Oh! Well, I just wanted to ask hey, how ya doin? And also how do you wash underwear? Do you just like throw it in the washing machine and hope for the best or do ya wait until---"

"Bye, Mom, have a nice day." I pull my phone away from my ear. "And for fudges' sake do not touch my underwear."

Garret's laughing hard beside me. I glare at him. He pretends to cough and clears his throat. "My mom's cooking fettuccine for dinner and you know she loves you so much. So she's inviting you for dinner. Actually, she even threatened me. If you don't eat with us I don't get to eat either." Garret pouts. "Sometimes I think Ma loves you more than she does me."

I flick his forehead. "Don't be stupid, Garry," I look at the food they have today. Octopus in what is that (acid waste?), something that was obviously picked out of the toilet. And the best of the best mystery meat ball in (pigs blood?). 

"What do you want, Amy?" Garret puts an arm around my shoulder. "I'll pay."

"Ah, I'm on a diet."

"No, you're not."

"Okay, I'm not." I sigh. "But have you seen the food? Damn."

"Let's eat out?" Garret tugs my hand out the cafeteria doors.

"Lets," I grin.