Nineteen

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Lauren sighed with her hands still tight in Normani's grip and dipped her head into the brown girls shoulder. She let out a few deep breaths and after a few seconds she sat back up.

"That would be very selfish of me" she said gazing into Normani's eyes with her softened glossy ones "I don't want to control you, I'm sooo sorry you feel that way"

She blinked hard and a tear rolled down her cheek, Normani disconnected one of their hands to wipe it with her thumb. "Please stop crying baby, I want to make this work with you. We are going to make it work. It's been only two months and I feel like I've had a life time of experiences with you and I'm still craving for so much more. I am so in love with you Lauren"

"Are you still in love with her?"

"You have my heart" Normani responded.

Lauren slowly slid her hands out of the brown girls grip "When ever I ask you something involving your feelings with her you don't giv me a clear answer"

"Shit Lauren I hate that she hurt you so badly. She scarred you and made you so fragile"

"I don't want to be like this" she cried out as the tears started again. It was breaking Normani's heart to see her girlfriend so defeated.

Normani sighed "I am not in love with her, you are the one with my heart. I want to give you all of it." she responded truthfully. That's all she wanted.

As Normani spoke they both deep down inside questioned those words. Was she still in love with Zendaya? If she was she damn sure didn't want to be.

Was this why being around her again always had her floating in memories? She didn't want those memories back however, she wanted to create new better memories with Lauren.

She wanted to leave that half of Zendaya behind and enjoy time with Zendaya as someone that could be her close friend.

One thing she did know for sure is that she missed the mixed girl and she hoped that that was the cause for all of her emotions. She hoped that once they hung out a few more times and reality set in that she would feel normal around her and that they could continue as friends because that's what she really wanted.

Lauren was who she wanted and even though it was hard she was going to do everything in her power not to let this person from the past change that.

"Please give me all of your heart Normani because you have every inch of mine." She sniffled "I don't even look at women the same way anymore, they're nothing. Nothing in my eyes & damn sure nothing compared to you" this time she wiped the tear from her own cheek "you have me hooked on you like some kind of drug. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't have you"

Normani grabbed both of the Latinas hands again and looked her dead on the eyes "Listen to me, I am telling you right now that you're what I want. Zendaya and I can be friends, just like Jilly and I are friends, just like you have your friends. Every night I'm coming home to you regardless of any of that. You don't have to worry about me cheating, I love far you too much for that and I know what I have. You always say you don't want to lose me but Lauren I don't want to lose you either. Do you hear me?" She said squeezing her hands tighter.

She really meant those words and it pained her that Lauren couldn't believe it.

"I know what you went through but you have to trust me Lauren damnit, I am not Lucy"

"I trust you.." The Latina murmured.

//

The two spent the next week rehearsing more, preparing for the BBMAS. Sean worked them extra hard so that this would be the best performance of the song this far.

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