Secrets

3

I had just finished setting up Iris’s swing in my office when I heard the front door open.

            “Hey honey. I’m home early,” Gregorie announced. I looked at Iris in my arms, trying to figure out what to do. Gregorie would find out eventually. I just needed a way to say, ‘Hey, I cheated on you last year at an office party with the next door neighbor and, well. Meet Iris, my new daughter—our new daughter.’ without saying, well, that. “—out Mr. Johannesburg caught on to Lisa sticking us with her work and slacking off. He is making her not only file the new cases but also redo most of the work she’s been pedaling off on us.” I forgot Gregorie was still talking. Until he appeared in the office doorway.

            “Hello,” I said, smiling nervously.

            “Isn’t it great? That slacker finally got what was—,” Gregorie noticed the bundle in my arms. “Oh. Hello there.”

“This is Iris.” Iris yawns.

“She’s gorgeous. So tiny.”

            “Isn’t she? I’m watching her for the day. I’ve almost gotten her on an actual sleeping schedule—“

            “Whose child?”

            “Huh? Oh. She’s Leila’s—“

            “That woman? Why are you keeping her child,” Gregorie asked.

“She needed someone to babysit, so I told her I would.”

“But doesn’t she have a boyfriend or something?”

“I’m not sure anymore. I didn’t ask,” I said looking at Iris’s face. I knew Leila didn’t have a boyfriend or anything of that nature. She told me this morning that she wanted me to want her. And that she loved me…

            “Interesting. So you go over to ask her to be more considerate of people with actual jobs and you agree to take her kid for the day. She must be really charming,” Gregorie teased. “Next she’ll be asking you to father her next kid.”

            I didn’t respond. Evidently, that was the wrong choice because Gregorie’s eyes became wide as saucers.

            “She asked you and you didn’t tell me that this morning,” Gregorie hissed. He seemed a little angry. But there was nothing I can really do about it then. “Geeze. She’s probably has a harem of men after her and she picks mine to try to seduce. I hope you told her no”

            “Not exactly,” I said.

            “What? What do you mean ‘not exactly’,” Gregorie questioned.

            “She didn’t ask me this morning. She asked me a long time ago. And I agreed. It was a drunken decision. And then it just…happened. But,” I looked down at Iris in my arms, “ I don’t regret it. At all.”

Gregorie’s face twisted with anger and pain. Before I could speak, he punched the wall. The eggshell paint around his hand chipped away as the drywall beneath it gave way, sending white chalky dust to the carpet. The loud noise startled Iris a little, but I quickly got her back to sleep with her pacifier. I heard a sharp intake of breath as Gregorie clutched his dust covered knuckles, while wincing in pain.

“Come on. Let’s go place your hand under cold water to rinse off the dust and then put some ice on it. It’s already starting to swell,” I said as I turned to put Iris in her swing and turned it on. “And then we’ll talk about this. There’s more to it than you think.” I had to think up something fast. There was no way I was going to let Gregorie believe that I cheated on him, that I had had sex with Leila.

“Leila came to me one day and asked me to help her—”

“When?”

“It was actually before we met—“

“That doesn’t make sense. She just moved in a year ago. We’ve been dating a lot longer than she’s been living here. The child is only a few weeks old, Jason.”

“Actually, I’ve known Leila for…quite some time now. Years, actually. She was the only woman I’ve ever loved. Anyway, she—she asked me again one night, recently.”

“And when was this,” Gregorie demanded.

“It was…at the office party. You know the going away party the company had for John Beckham? It happened then—”

“You had sex with her at an office party?”

“No. I—She really wanted to have a child and she wasn’t dating any one. She didn’t want to date anyone and she didn’t want just any random guy’s sperm. She said she’d rather know the sperm donor and be able to ensure that if anything happened to her, there would be someone to take care of Iris. I wanted to help her. I only donated my sperm, Greg. And I’ve been helping Leila take care of Iris by watching her during the day. And sometimes at night.”

“Is that why you’ve been sleeping on the couch?”

“Yes. I didn’t want to sleep next door and I didn’t want to wake you when I got up to feed Iris whenever Leila was too exhausted to bother getting up.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

            “You’ve been stressed about the bills and everything and... And I didn’t want to put this on your plate too. Plus, Leila personally asked me to do it. I agreed since she’s my friend but…I don’t know. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

            “You should have come to me. You should have talked to me,” Gregorie said a little too loudly.

            “I’m sorry,” I said. I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry I cheated on you.

            “It’s still not okay. But I guess it could have been worse. You could have actually had drunken, unprotected sex with her in an office restroom or something.”

            My body tensed a bit. His explanation of what could have happened, was so close to what actually happened it was like he already knew.  Like he figured it out a long time ago…

            “We should invite her over for dinner tonight,” Gregorie said.

“What? Who? Leila? Oh, no. I don’t think that’s a good idea—”

“Oh sure it is. We can make shrimp alfredo. Or steaks!” Gregorie pulled out his cell phone. I didn’t trust him with one of those when he got ‘bright ideas’ like this. The last time this happened, we ended up having strippers for my sister’s baby shower.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m calling your publisher’s office so that I can invite Leila over.”

“No, wait,” I started to stand up to grab the phone from him when I remembered that I needed to stay as calm as possible or he would suspect that his guess was closer to the truth than what I had said. By the time I had collected my emotions and what I was going to say to stop him, Gregorie was no longer on the phone and he looked really excited.

            “I’m making lasagna. She’ll be here around 7:30,” he said. “I’m going to the grocery store. Need anything?”

I slumped down in the seat, defeated. I started to say no but he was already out the door by the time I could reply.

“Shit,” I said, too loudly. Iris woke up and began crying.