Lost

past two: Tears

   All I see is black but at the same time the vibrate color of the burning flames that shall now haunt my past for the years to come....

I shoot up from my bed bathed in sweat. I feel something streaming down my cheek, I place my hand on my cheek to only feel tears falling and streaming down my face. I can't think straight, my mind is blurred to a blank white space all I could do was cry. I held my legs close to my chest under the covers and began to weep silently to myself wishing that what I had dreamed was a fantasy but sadly it wasn't. My nightmare of losing my only family was real and it ripped me apart piece by piece mentally, spiritually, and even physically.

I took a deep breath trying to to fall apart and what I felt was the only option was what I was going to do next. I stood up from my bed and ran into the bathroom I shut my door locking it not allowing anyone to enter. I grabbed a razor from under my sink. I stopped abruptly and stared at the blade then suddenly all the events that had happened and the abusiveness that I endured over the many years came rushing back.

I took the blade and drew long yet shallow wounds on my arm (the part past my elbow because unlike most I know where people will first check.) I winced at not the pain of the cold blade but the after pain when it stung to no content and the horrible thing that was going to happen today that i knew was coming.

After gathering myself from the floor and covering my wounds I decided to take a cold shower and get ready for school. I threw on a red and black plaid more than mid sleeve shirt with a white under shirt, skinny jeans, and my black converse. My hair was midnight black, wavy, and is half way down my back i decided it was best to just brush it and leave it down. After completing my daily routine I ran down stairs only to find my foster brother sitting at the counter eating, I snuck by him hoping he wouldn't notice me until, "hey! Runt! What do you think your doing?" I was frightened by him and was only able to squeak out on word ,"s-s-school" all he did was laugh, "haha how pathetic you know runt if you keep being a shy goodie two-shoes than your friends will leave you...oh wait I forgot a fagot like you could never have friends and doesn't ooo that must sting" he laughs wickedly I try to ignore him and pretend it didn't hurt but it did.

I self consciously walked to my grayish black pick up and as so as I get in I fall apart. A couple tears roll down my face, off my chin and onto my lap. I wipe them away as I put the car key in and turn on the car. I plug my phone in and start playing acoustic versions of my favorite band Ghost town. I drive off to school knowing that this was going to be a long day.

(Short sorry)