Ever since Caspar was put into hospital Joe has been left alone with his thoughts...
Joe loves Caspar but does Caspar love Joe?
triggers from chapter 7 onwards (please stay safe)
I miss him more then words can explain. My mind only focuses on him... Caspar Lee! The boy who has destroyed me mentally and physically. I feel sick and lonely, the worst part is I can't even face going the hospital anymore. Zoe always asks me if I've gone and I just lie now saying I have. The last time I went the doctor said that Caspar had internal bleeding on the brain and he had 90% chance of fulling through after an operation. When Zoe went down they said he pulled through and I was happy about that... But that doesn't mean he's back to normal like the Caspar I knew. I hate being alone...
I've gotten to the point I don't allow Zoe to come and visit me because why should she see me like this I'm a pathetic, ugly, nervous wreck who no one even likes (A/N Oh my that hurts to write that cause I love Joe OMG) no wonder Caspar told Dan everything and not me...
No wonder Caspar got drunk and got ran over...
It's all my fault! What have I done? All I seem to do is just ruin peoples lives.
*Trigger Warning- Please skip if you don't want to read stay safe Ily*
I walk into my bathroom and find my razor broken. I picked it up and just stared at it as I slid down the wall. Who knew that this thin metal sheet could do so much damage to my skin? As i placed the cold clean blade against my skin I slid it across... 1... 2... 3... And so on, until my wrist which was once a normal skin colour is no more. Insted it was bright red as the blood dripped down. Oh God what have I done? I promised Zoe I would never do this. I stood up and saw my self in the mirror.
Look how pathetic and stupid you look now Joe. Who's gonna love you if you've got scars on your arm
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! This is the reason I take it anymore...
*Safe to read*
I find a bandage and slump down on my bed and look at my phone I realize I have a text from Zoe.
Joe ring me NOW!
I let out along sigh and call Zoe...
Beep beep
Z: Joe I'm coming to pick you up right now.
J: Why? I'm busy.
Z: I know that's a lie Broseph. Get ready I'll be at yours in 5.
J: Seriously... Fine whatever.
And the line went dead. I can't let Zoe see my bandage so I put a jumper on so no one would notice.
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I then heard a knock at the door. The sound feels rare to me like I've never heard that before. I went and opened it and Zoe stood in front of me.
"Joe..."
"Zoe!" I snapped at her.
"Joe please just listen to me. I'm begging you don't keep shutting me out and your friends, we're worried..."
"Then stop worrying." I replied. Zoe shifted me a dodgy look "Joe you're my brother of course I'm going to worry..." I broke down in tears and Zoe held me in her arms.
"And this is why you should speak to people Joe," Zoe said calmly and I nodded.
"Listen I think we should go to the hospital to see Caspar."
"Zoe I erm don't reall-"
"You're going Joe and that's final!"
"Fine." I sharply pointed out. Zoe grabbed my arm that I had recently bandaged my mind then screaming of fear I felt my face go bright red through fear, Zoe then staring at me "Joe," she whispered "are you ok?" I looked her blankly and wincing because of the pain shooting through my arm, "never better Zoe." I said faking a smile.
"Are you lying to me Joseph?" I wanted to tell her the truth I really did but I can't. "Me lying? Pffttt of corse not," Zoe raising her eyebrows as dragged me out to her car. I sighed in relief 'that was too close!'
*20 minutes later*
We walked straight towards Caspar's room were he was surrounded by doctors. "Wha-what's going on?" My voice cracking. The doctor turned around "Oh Mr Sugg come in we've got good news..." I turned around and looked at Zoe who was really confused as I walked in.
"Joe..." said a faint groggy voice which sounded familiar to me...
It was Caspar!
OMG CASPAR'S AWAKE YES! Anyway I know it looks like this is the end but I promise this story isn't finished yet because Joe's got secrets and so does Caspar ;). I hope you are all enjoying the story so far...
